Andrei Freeman (lordandrei) wrote,
Andrei Freeman
lordandrei

A partial retraction and apology to some non-parents

(This posting is not bugged for your protection)

This is response to a comment to a twitter I made last evening. Visible in my previous automated posting.

There are many people out there that want children very badly. There are many people who've tried to have children and failed. And there are those who simply choose not to have them because they either can't or have looked at the responsibility involved and understand that they can't take that on. And I do respect these people and do not mean to lump them in with people who frankly don't want to have children. And I especially do not mean to compare them with those who don't even want to consider the rigours or responsibilities of parenthood.

At the same time... there is still a lack of understanding of the daily, never-ending, stress that a child does bring that only comes with the experience of having the child. And even at having the child; there's always a lack of understanding, preparation, or feeling that one is ever meeting the perceived responsibility.

Having a child leaves you with the daily fear that you're not doing enough; or doing the right things and at some point; someone will call CPS and your child will be taken away from you. (I have honestly seen someone call CPS to be vindictive to someone they didn't like; solely for that reason)

I am a parent of a child I love. I will protect my child at all costs. I will do anything and everything to give him the best life I can. I want him to turn out better than me. This is my primary purpose in life. My secondary purpose in life is to live to see my grandchildren if my child decides to have them.

This is where the feelings can originate from.

Many people who have no children are very good and do make a fair attempt at understanding and being supportive of families with children. Unfortunately, the number who do not understand is far higher and in so far as that causes the aggravation.

And, lest anyone call me a hypocrite; I need to publicly go on record to say that until 2 years, 3 months, 20 days ago. I was no better. I was completely oblivious to the point of retrospective rudeness. I say this to the point that I want to make a public apology to tygeressdenacht. I truly had no understanding of the stress I may have added to her by treating her at times as a childless mother. (Not intentionally, mind you) I had truly no idea what she was dealing with.

I am reminded of a line from a piece of dogmatic writing that I treasure:

... let thy victories bring thee not Vanity, for with increase of Knowledge should come increase of Wisdom. He who knoweth little, thinketh he knoweth much; but he who knoweth much hath learned his own ignorance. Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit? There is more hope of a fool, than of him.

Be not hasty to condemn others; how knowest thou that in their place, thou couldest have resisted the temptation? ...
- Liber Libræ sub figura XXX
Tags: apology, parenthood, retractions
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 14 comments