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Andrei in the office


Andrei's Universe

One man's journey from infinity to nothingness

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Andrei in the office

Thank Gods it's March

I suppose I ought to explain.

This may possibly have been the worst and longest February of my life. It certainly felt longer that 75% of them.

The Puget Sound had an attack of Neo-Black-Death. Which I managed to grab hold of. More correctly it grabbed hold of me. And everyone in the household. Unfortunately, in my case it grabbed a bit too tightly.

I wound up with a fairly bad case of Bronchitis. I lost about 2 weeks from work. I also got to walk through a veritable cornucopia of pharmacopeia. Among this list were anti-biotics, expectorants, steroids, amphetamines and narcotics.

So for about a week I was going to work, getting breakfast and then taking speed, juicing, and popping downers.
My mood was... um... to call me tetchy would be polite. To say that I was having raw, painful, near-psychotic mood swings... might be a touch more accurate.

Amazingly (though at times I'm not sure how) I'm still happily married.

As this ended I felt it was time to consult a shrink. Yes... I'm not as sane as I don't really project.

Unfortunately, the guy I found was a clinical psychiatrist. What that means is that in his eyes, "Everyone is sick and we need to medicate first and analyze later." Actually, his clipboard made it obvious that it was going to be medicate and I could go find a counselor for analysis. Throughout the office waiting room was literature on the latest miracle drug for bi-polar disorder. The side effect list was about the same as the special effect list on the 5th season of Angel.

So, I go in and talk about my taboo topics that never get discussed. I am not a 14 year old emo girl; so I don't typically drip my personal stuff onto LJ. At least not anymore.

So... family, dealing with my first toddler, work...

Well, he was certain of it. Genetically, I've obviously inherited paranoid schizophrenia and we need to start the anti-psychotics immediately. He paralleled behaviour patterns of my father and emphasised that if I were completely healthy I'd be aware of how much I was in danger of being like him.

It was amazing. I didn't mention that I'd been a Theatre major. So it was fun taking apart his, 'presentation' and seeing where he was using pathos as a tool to try to make me sympathise with a very rushed judgment. He would only use the occasional scientific term when it seemed like I was following logic. In general, I felt like I was watching a snake-oil-salesman roll his pitch.

To be blunt. He played dirty pool and when it was done he handed me a bag of samples for... Oh look. The drug advertised out front for bi-polar issues. I could almost here the ding from the drug company saying, "Congrats; you made your 10th customer of the week, you get the next level prize. An autographed Freud bust"

I've been to psychologists and psychiatrists in the past 15 years. And I have never seen any rush to medicate on so strong a diagnosis in 25 minutes.

I walked out knowing two facts. 1) I am getting a 2nd, 3rd, and hell 4th opinion. 2) I am not popping my sample anti-psychotics until I have a much stronger faith in who I am interacting with.

I know I have a paranoid streak. But it took me 5 minutes to be absolutely uncomfortable with the man. And if you are in a position where you are in fact dealing with people who need to confront and acknowledge the line of "reality" (the definition of schizophrenia)... then perhaps you need to be more genuine, and not use persuasion and manipulation in your first 10 minutes with the patient.

I'm looking for references. I'd like to find a non-clinical psychiatrist to discuss things with. But right now... very unhappy with how that went.

And then there was the pain. Something under my belly on the right side. Oooh! Appendix? Hernia? No... it looks like it's just the IBS we all thought I might have. So my new family doctor is starting me on several organic natural enzyme treatments. The pain is subsiding and meals are actually becoming less challenging.

At least it's March now. I am feeling mostly healthy again. As jnanacandra and I discussed. It's just the pressure of taking care of an 18 month old and occasionally looking out for a 479 month old. Well both of those are 2 days off. Yes there will be pictures; at 18 months it's time for another compare the genetics pict.

So.. that's where things are.

Enh, February didn't suck all together. I acquired another house denizen and made my first filk in several years.
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I am renting out one of the rooms of my place to a local friend.

Being a member of the profession, I felt the urge to reply. Psychitrists are pimps for the drug companies(not all, but some). It isn't just for cash, it's for food, too. Every monday, at my office, the outpatient therapists and psychitrists are treated to catered lunches if they sit and eat with the drug reps and listen to the schpiel(sp?). I am in the minority as a child therapist, trying to treat problems using cognitive-behavior therapy before recommending a parent see the psychiatrist for meds.

Another thing I have found, is that there are people in the field, from bachelor's level to doctoral, that feel with a little knowledge comes great power. If they are questioned regarding their analysis, they immediately feel that their power is threatened and they attack the person threatening them--belittling and trying to steal back their power by verbal abuse. "I am a trained professional, you are ignorant and know nothing about this. What I say is right and you are endangering yourself by not following my advice."

I hope you find a good therapist. If you doe soem online research, there are several good sources that rate local mental health professionals--listing their specialties and some client references.

i have had the best luck, in terms of getting mental health care, with first finding a poly-friendly or GLBT-friendly therapist without prescription power (those folks just tend to be open-minded and cool), and then getting them to refer me to a psychiatrist to handle the meds if necessary. people who don't have prescription power won't try to get you on drugs unless they really think you need them. (i've also usually chosen someone with a doctorate-level degree and good familiarity with drugs as my therapist.)

I know she's in Seattle (Pioneer Square of all places), but I loved my therpist/counselor Charlotte Yeary.

That's horrible. That man should be shot.

Good instincts to trust your vibes on this guy. After reading How Doctors Think, as well as other recent adventures, I'll never go to a doctor again who I think doesn't like me or is emotionally clueless. It absolutely can adversely affect the quality of care.

Get a 10th opinion if you can:-)

In my English analytic writing class I recently had the pleasure to be introduced to 19th century English and American poetry. Emily Dickinson had me soon under her spell. The more I read her poetry and learned about her biography I came to the conclusion she was a genius batteling with bipolar disorder. Thank the gods she never met that quack! We would have never known her brilliant mind.

May March (Ides 'n' all) work out far better for you. I've got an awesome pic of you w/tophat (and another incredibly cute pic of the l'il one) that I'll gladly trade for your list of tea likes & dislikes.

Odds are I will be home on Wednesday.

But other that that... let's set a time and date.

Odds are I'll be at home as well on Wed, but since our respective homes are over 100 miles apart, that's neither here nor there. ;-P

Not quite sure yet whether it'll work for sure, but might you up for lunch this Th (3/6)?

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