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Andrei in the office


Andrei's Universe

One man's journey from infinity to nothingness

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Why me?!?!?

Oh, yeah.. sure... I'm a top

Well, it was bound to come to this day.

The aiden_freeman has decided that his favourite game is to go over to the shelf of board games and pull them down and take them apart.

So today, I officially learned to invoke, "No." And let me tell you.. I truly understand the phrase, "This is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you."

I pulled him away from the box he began to tear and reprimanded with a stern "No"

He plopped down and started to cry. Which in its own way is still wired into the failure-as-a-human circuit in my spine.

Then he tried to get back into the games again. So, I picked him up and put him in the play pen. Which caused more crying. Which causes more angst internally.

Oh, yeah.. Dom, Top, blah, blah, blah...

I don't like being bad cop to the boy.

Hopefully, someday he'll understand. Gah.

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Ok...that comparison is just a lettle creepy.

It's more for context...

I don't consider the idea 'sexually' I consider it the idea of being able to act as a disciplinarian for people I care about.

Boy that sounds framilar. You get use to it.

Or you have a psychotic episode....

Here's hoping for the former w/out the latter.

and sometimes we put the games and temptations on the bottom three shelves away in storage for a few years. i did.

those little ones just dont have a lot of impulse control.

Lots of cheap rubbermaid storage tubs. Lots. I have fourteen; They're also catproof.

Discipline is the hardest part. We have a saying at the house, "Better you cry now than me cry later". What it means is that it's better that I give you boundaries and enforce them and help you learn how to gain self-control, to respect others, and how to make good choices - rather than not doing these things and you making potentially destructive choices later on that hurt you or others.

It sucks, I hate crying, and I seriously hate being "The Enforcer" but it's part an parcel of the deal, IMO.

You're not a failure as a parent. Seriously. You're not.

I'm in total agreement. It's real hard, but it needs to happen correctly.

Hey, therapist's kids will always need college money, so this is just doing financial planning for them in advance.

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Oldest children, such as myself, do get a few dings along the way, as the beta-test subject of our parent's skills.

On the bright side, I can assure you that we never, ever forgive them ;-)

I should note - JUST in case it isn't clear - that that was humor (tm). Some years ago, my father turned to me and tried to apologize for any goofs he and mom made in raising their firstborn, which they later avoided with my brothers and sister.

I was in my 40's when this happened, and moderately shocked that he was worried about it. I assured him that they hadn't screwed me up for life (despite the evidence some of my friends could provide to the contrary - but we don't KNOW that that derives from my upbringing).

He may not like always getting his way, but sooner or later he'll have to understand that he can't wreak whatever destruction he wants. In the meantime, it's not a bad idea to get cupboards, or glass doors for your bookshelves. Or electrified razor wire, whichever.

Someday he will understand and if he's smart he'll thank you. It is a difficult and sometimes painful process, and I know this from experience. But I think it is an essential to raising a human who will be able to distinguish Will from willfulness in themselves without invoking the coarse remedial tools of organized society to help them out.

It seems to me that children are born and initially reared with the understanding that they are the absolute center of the universe -- and this is a good thing since it reflects that actions of loving and caring parents. But I think that once they are grounded and confident in the love of their family the subsequent task becomes teaching them that they are but one of the myriad centers of the universe.

If their interactions with the Joyous company of heaven are to be, in fact, joyous they will need to bring discipline, self-knowledge, situational awareness, and art to the dance. These skills and traits cannot be brought out in an individual except by experience and example.

Oops, enough raving.

In my experience with my 2 boys not only is some discipline necessary, but that they actually want structure to give them a safe and familiar environment. I sympathize with you because I like to be the Santa Claus dad as well, but it is not in their best interests.

Good Luck!

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I completely agree here. Especially with the last line.

Abi is now going on two and its startlingly clear by watching her behaviors who enforces no in her life and who lets her whine/cry/manipulate her way around the boundaries. She has no respect for my mother's words because when she cries, grandma gives in and or replaces said object with something equally not good. She's also started hitting the adults around her because grandma uses the word no with inconsistency. When asking for things, she whines all the time as well. Borderline tears and all, she gets what she wants if she whines hard enough.

With myself, her father and her daycare teachers however, she respects the word no. Again, not synonymous with agreeing as we still get the crying and such but she allows the three above named authority figures to guide her to safer/healthier choices. The temper tantrums shown in these three authority situations are shorter and a lot less violent too and she can be convinced that the better choices are indeed just as fun/good as the bad choice she wanted in the first place; no whining, no manipulation just fun.

Its hard to be that firm with an adorable, normally sweet-tempered child, however, teaching the strong-willed how to control their impulses is the corner stone to defeating the "terrible twos" (though they are still pretty tough at times...).

Keep your head up my friend and know that by saying no, and following through with said boundary, you are doing your son the greatest favor in the world. For him and every authority figure he will ever play/work/learn under.

i didn't say I wouldn't discipline him...

I just said I wouldn't like it. ;)

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