Log in

No account? Create an account
Andrei in the office


Andrei's Universe

One man's journey from infinity to nothingness

Previous Entry Share Flag Next Entry
Andrei in the office

Another day another ......

So the weekend has come and the weekend is going. I probably will go food shopping later. I am going to get on 'body for life' this week if I have to beat myself senseless to do it.

As for the Psych watch...no luck 2 Psychs, no call backs. I guess in L.A. you have to go there personally and attack them to get one.

I figured out another issue with the whole, "Mental Health Practitioner thing" that bugs the hell out of me. This is an environment where you are making yourself 'vulnerable.' Bringing up those things from inside that you either don't want to face or live with the inner conflict... The problem is that you are paying someone for their time to listen to you.

Now, I'm not commenting that friends aren't equipped to help you find your way through the inner mire and murk that you're slogging through; but at least when you're deep in your own chaos they don't look at you and say, "Well, that's all the time we have for today."

For some reason it makes the entire affair seem petty and commercial. Such is the reason that I'm pretty sure that I'd never go to a strip club, pay for a lap dance, get a hooker, etc. There are certain things in the world to me that feel more natural when someone wants to do it for you without compensation.

Granted this is an odd thing for me to say... as I told a friend recently that they had to decide for themselves how they felt about charging for doing tarot readings.

I risk (as always) cutting my own throat by admitting that I have more money available to use than I did 5 years ago. (I guess, most of us can say that) In my case it's not really a 'hit' to pay a counsellor to listen to my problems. I guess my issues are that my experiences so far have been pretty much a dread failure and that I've made more progress (and ironically less, I guess as well) with the words from my friends.

All-in-all a moot point as my efforts to acquire a shrink have not exactly succeeded. Granted, I can always try harder... (I am still my own worse critic of my abilities and efforts)

But anyways....I'll keep just plugging along. Trying to improve...trying to get better. And just sort of sit here trying to 'cheer' up on the days that I don't really feel like talking to anyone or doing anything.

I keep hoping my love ones have more patience with me, that I feel I would when I get into these states.

  • 1
I did Body for Life and it was great... good luck!

The above two words are the most confusing and at the same time the most simplistic words in the English language. What you have to remember is that we'll never achieve the "whole truth" until we let go and allow ourselves to see other viewpoints as well. And as for acceptance It is simple to say we accept the things that have come to us through life but until we truly accept oursevles it'll take us a lifetime of ups and downs.

Hang in there. I know the road is tough (i'm not saying I have it all figured out by any means.. I still have my days that 'm up and my days where I don't even want to think about talking to people.)So I guess hang in there and know that even when it seems like your friends don't understand.. we really do. Most of us have been there at some point or other ourselves. So it would be completely hypocritcal of us to not stand by you in your hour of need. *hugs* Hang in there... I know it's a trite phrase... but try to hang in there.. I'm sure you'll make headway~

I keep hoping my love ones have more patience with me, that I feel I would when I get into these states.

Greg, you know that I love you dearly. It is a difficult set of decisions that lead one to therapy, and it can be a difficult process to find one that you like and *can* be open with. Yeah, there's definately a wierdness when you get to "now our hour is up", but the ultimate effect is that you get real tools for dealing with your problems (later today, i'll be posting something about the tools, after I watch Paul's defense).

Bro. You are good people, you're just going through some bad stuff right now. If you ever need to talk, you know the myriad of ways to find me.

Counsellors, psychiatrists, and psychologists are a lot that I try desparately to avoid at all costs. In addition to the squicks that you mentioned, I've found that they bring their own biases to the table. When I was in counselling for domestic violence, the woman wanted to write a prescription for Prozac as a "cure" for my bisexuality and my overall preference for women. She claimed that because of the trauma I'd received, I couldn't relax with men.

*ahem* I've been bisexual since I was old enough to understand sexuality...long before I met the abusive ex.

The point being, my friends know what I am: furry, lifestyler, pagan, bisexual, polyamorous. Those that don't either have an agreement with me that we will not discuss what they are not comfortable with or they're simply not my friends any longer. Try finding a counsellor or psychologist who will give you good advice while taking into account that all of those things I just mentioned are perfectly normal for you and not diseases to be treated.

  • 1