Andrei Freeman (lordandrei) wrote,
Andrei Freeman
lordandrei

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Another day another ......

So the weekend has come and the weekend is going. I probably will go food shopping later. I am going to get on 'body for life' this week if I have to beat myself senseless to do it.

As for the Psych watch...no luck 2 Psychs, no call backs. I guess in L.A. you have to go there personally and attack them to get one.

I figured out another issue with the whole, "Mental Health Practitioner thing" that bugs the hell out of me. This is an environment where you are making yourself 'vulnerable.' Bringing up those things from inside that you either don't want to face or live with the inner conflict... The problem is that you are paying someone for their time to listen to you.

Now, I'm not commenting that friends aren't equipped to help you find your way through the inner mire and murk that you're slogging through; but at least when you're deep in your own chaos they don't look at you and say, "Well, that's all the time we have for today."

For some reason it makes the entire affair seem petty and commercial. Such is the reason that I'm pretty sure that I'd never go to a strip club, pay for a lap dance, get a hooker, etc. There are certain things in the world to me that feel more natural when someone wants to do it for you without compensation.

Granted this is an odd thing for me to say... as I told a friend recently that they had to decide for themselves how they felt about charging for doing tarot readings.

I risk (as always) cutting my own throat by admitting that I have more money available to use than I did 5 years ago. (I guess, most of us can say that) In my case it's not really a 'hit' to pay a counsellor to listen to my problems. I guess my issues are that my experiences so far have been pretty much a dread failure and that I've made more progress (and ironically less, I guess as well) with the words from my friends.

All-in-all a moot point as my efforts to acquire a shrink have not exactly succeeded. Granted, I can always try harder... (I am still my own worse critic of my abilities and efforts)

But anyways....I'll keep just plugging along. Trying to improve...trying to get better. And just sort of sit here trying to 'cheer' up on the days that I don't really feel like talking to anyone or doing anything.

I keep hoping my love ones have more patience with me, that I feel I would when I get into these states.
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