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Andrei in the office

lordandrei

Andrei's Universe

One man's journey from infinity to nothingness


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Andrei in the office
lordandrei

Just because this really fits my mood.

There is muchly much on my mind. Much good, some not so good. I will decide if I wish to post or not post as I will.

But to deal with it, I will now post this piece of copyrighted comedy that I have no right to do so. I do so for no profit and will remove upon request.

I post this because, in a small way something in here speaks to the way I feel.

THE GEORGE CARLIN BOOK CLUB

"Join the book club, as an introductory offer, we'll send you the following
books absolutely free:

-EAT, RUN, STAY FIT, AND DIE ANYWAY
-HOW TO SEEM INTELLIGENT
-THERE'S BIG MONEY IN STAYING PUT
-PIECE OF MIND BY LOSING COMPLETE CONTROL FOR 16 HOURS A DAY
-YOUR THIGHS CONTROL YOUR LIFE
-HOW TO FILLET A PANDA
-RID YOURSELF OF DOUBT, OR SHOULD YOU?
-CHANCES ARE, YOUR SISTER'S FULL OF SH*T
-HOW TO GIVE YOURSELF A COMPLETE PHYSICAL WITHOUT GETTING UNDRESSED
-64 GOOD REASONS FOR GIVING UP HOPE
-WHY JEWS POINT
-A HUNDRED DEAD PEOPLE NOBODY MISSES
-BACKPACKING FOR SHUT-INS
-MY DOG IS A REAL FRUIT
-YOUR SHOES ARE WORTH MONEY
-REORGANIZING YOUR POCKETS
-WHAT TO WEAR ON THE TOILET
-124 SIMPLE EXERCIZES FOR THE TEETH
-THE STAINS IN YOUR SHORTS CAN INDICATE YOUR FUTURE
-TIPS ON GETTING LAID
-SELF-MUTILATION AS AN ATTENTION GETTER
-600 WAYS TO GIVE PEOPLE THE SHAFT
-TREMBLE YOUR WAY TO FITNESS
-YOU GIVE ME 6 WEEKS, AND I'LL GIVE YOU SOME DISEASE

And if you join today, we'll send the following books absolutely free:

-POEMS FOR THE INSANE
-A TREASURY OF POORLY UNDERSTOOD IDEAS
-APARTMENT HUNTING FOR DEVIL WORSHIPPERS
-A COMPLETE LIST OF ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE STILL PENDING

And these books on food are yours:

-THE INTRAVENOUS COOKBOOK
-THE MEANING OF CORN
-FILL YOUR LIFE WITH CROUTONS
-THE FOOD COLORING DIET
-COOKING FOR THE PARALYZED
-COOKING WITH HEAT

And if you join today, we'll send the following books absolutely free:

-CONTROLLING FEAR WITHOUT GETTING FRIGHTENED
-THINGS NO ONE CAN HELP
-UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE YOU'LL NEVER MEET
-SIX WAYS TO F**K UP BEFORE BREAKFAST
-MARRIAGE FOR ONE
-I SUCK, YOU SUCK
-LET'S CHANGE THE ALPHABET
-FAMOUS BULLSH*T STORIES
-SPORT FISHING WITH POWER SAWS
-WHY HAWAII AND NORWAY ARE NOT NEAR EACH OTHER

And if you join today we'll send the following books absolutely free:

-A LIST OF PEOPLE WHO MEAN WELL
-DON'T THROW AWAY YOUR OLD SKIN
-10 THINGS WE DON'T KNOW YET
-CARING FOR THE SEATED
-THE WRONG UNDERWEAR CAN KILL
-TROTTING ACROSS ZAIRE
-WHY IT DOESN'T SNOW ANYMORE
-THE COMPLETE LIST OF EVERYONES' PERSONAL EFFECTS
-SIX CITIES THAT NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN TO
-I GAVE UP HOPE AND DIED, AND IT WORKED
-FAMOUS PEOPLE WHO WERE WIRY
-THE LIVES OF 6 EXTREMELY SHORT SAINTS

And if you join today, we'll send the following instruction books absolutely
free:

-HOW TO DO EVERYTHING AT ONCE
-HOW TO GIVE PEOPLE YOUR BEST REGARDS
-HOW TO SPOIL OTHER PEOPLE'S FUN
-HOW TO KILL A RAT WITH AN OBOE
-HOW TO ORGANIZE A 'TUPPERWARE' GANG BANG
-HOW TO WAVE GOODBYE WITHOUT MOVING YOUR ARMS
-HOW TO SPOT TRULY VICIOUS PEOPLE IN CHURCH
-HOW TO GET BACK FROM BOSTON
-HOW TO LEASE OUT THE SPACE INSIDE YOUR NOSE
-HOW TO GET A TAN WITH A FLASHLIGHT
-HOW TO START A RANGE WAR
-HOW TO SPOT A CREEP FROM A DISTANCE
-HOW TO GIVE A KING A REALLY HARD TIME
-HOW TO KILL YOUR NEPHEW
-HOW TO BECOME A GREASEBALL and
-HOW TO TURN UNBEARABLE PAIN INTO EXTRA INCOME

So call now, right now, join the book club today."


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No one but the man himself...

An ex of mine came up with one of the few things that I'vev evver heard that'd fit on the list:

"When Soup Attacks"

Sounds like something I would come up with...

Join now and we'll also let you preview for free:
-HOW JOINING BOOK OF THE MONTH CLUBS CHANGED MY LIFE
-SUPER SPEEDREADING ME FASTER SMARTER SEXIER
-BOOKS SUCK, BLANK PAGES ARE BETTER

If you liked "BACKPACKING FOR SHUT-INS", you'll love
-POWER WALKING FOR INVALIDS
-CALLIGRAPHY FOR THE BLIND
-HOW TO ENJOY LIFE WHEN YOU ARE DEAD
-ZEBRAS ARE PEOPLE TOO

Promise to be a member for two years instead of one, and we'll also send you these fine instruction books:
-HOW TO MARRY A CAN OF CORN
-HOW TO BECOME A PIRATE
-HOW TO TURN YOUR NEIGHBORS SPARE TIME INTO EXTRA CASH
-HOW TO RULE THE WORLD THROUGH RENUNCIATION
-HOW TO SAY YES TO TEMPTATION
-HOW TO LIVE A BETTER LIFE BY NOT POOPING

And we'll also send you these best-selling books:
"Finding Inner Peace" by Osama bin Laden
"My Life of Celibacy" by William J. Clinton
"Why Israel Deserves Statehood" by Y. Arafat
"How to Draw Large Crowds and Start Riots" by Billy Graham
"The Downfall of Materialist Capitalism" by D. Trump

Don't delay, operators are standing by!

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