Andrei Freeman (lordandrei) wrote,
Andrei Freeman
lordandrei

  • Mood:

Just because this really fits my mood.

There is muchly much on my mind. Much good, some not so good. I will decide if I wish to post or not post as I will.

But to deal with it, I will now post this piece of copyrighted comedy that I have no right to do so. I do so for no profit and will remove upon request.

I post this because, in a small way something in here speaks to the way I feel.

THE GEORGE CARLIN BOOK CLUB

"Join the book club, as an introductory offer, we'll send you the following
books absolutely free:

-EAT, RUN, STAY FIT, AND DIE ANYWAY
-HOW TO SEEM INTELLIGENT
-THERE'S BIG MONEY IN STAYING PUT
-PIECE OF MIND BY LOSING COMPLETE CONTROL FOR 16 HOURS A DAY
-YOUR THIGHS CONTROL YOUR LIFE
-HOW TO FILLET A PANDA
-RID YOURSELF OF DOUBT, OR SHOULD YOU?
-CHANCES ARE, YOUR SISTER'S FULL OF SH*T
-HOW TO GIVE YOURSELF A COMPLETE PHYSICAL WITHOUT GETTING UNDRESSED
-64 GOOD REASONS FOR GIVING UP HOPE
-WHY JEWS POINT
-A HUNDRED DEAD PEOPLE NOBODY MISSES
-BACKPACKING FOR SHUT-INS
-MY DOG IS A REAL FRUIT
-YOUR SHOES ARE WORTH MONEY
-REORGANIZING YOUR POCKETS
-WHAT TO WEAR ON THE TOILET
-124 SIMPLE EXERCIZES FOR THE TEETH
-THE STAINS IN YOUR SHORTS CAN INDICATE YOUR FUTURE
-TIPS ON GETTING LAID
-SELF-MUTILATION AS AN ATTENTION GETTER
-600 WAYS TO GIVE PEOPLE THE SHAFT
-TREMBLE YOUR WAY TO FITNESS
-YOU GIVE ME 6 WEEKS, AND I'LL GIVE YOU SOME DISEASE

And if you join today, we'll send the following books absolutely free:

-POEMS FOR THE INSANE
-A TREASURY OF POORLY UNDERSTOOD IDEAS
-APARTMENT HUNTING FOR DEVIL WORSHIPPERS
-A COMPLETE LIST OF ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE STILL PENDING

And these books on food are yours:

-THE INTRAVENOUS COOKBOOK
-THE MEANING OF CORN
-FILL YOUR LIFE WITH CROUTONS
-THE FOOD COLORING DIET
-COOKING FOR THE PARALYZED
-COOKING WITH HEAT

And if you join today, we'll send the following books absolutely free:

-CONTROLLING FEAR WITHOUT GETTING FRIGHTENED
-THINGS NO ONE CAN HELP
-UNDERSTANDING PEOPLE YOU'LL NEVER MEET
-SIX WAYS TO F**K UP BEFORE BREAKFAST
-MARRIAGE FOR ONE
-I SUCK, YOU SUCK
-LET'S CHANGE THE ALPHABET
-FAMOUS BULLSH*T STORIES
-SPORT FISHING WITH POWER SAWS
-WHY HAWAII AND NORWAY ARE NOT NEAR EACH OTHER

And if you join today we'll send the following books absolutely free:

-A LIST OF PEOPLE WHO MEAN WELL
-DON'T THROW AWAY YOUR OLD SKIN
-10 THINGS WE DON'T KNOW YET
-CARING FOR THE SEATED
-THE WRONG UNDERWEAR CAN KILL
-TROTTING ACROSS ZAIRE
-WHY IT DOESN'T SNOW ANYMORE
-THE COMPLETE LIST OF EVERYONES' PERSONAL EFFECTS
-SIX CITIES THAT NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN TO
-I GAVE UP HOPE AND DIED, AND IT WORKED
-FAMOUS PEOPLE WHO WERE WIRY
-THE LIVES OF 6 EXTREMELY SHORT SAINTS

And if you join today, we'll send the following instruction books absolutely
free:

-HOW TO DO EVERYTHING AT ONCE
-HOW TO GIVE PEOPLE YOUR BEST REGARDS
-HOW TO SPOIL OTHER PEOPLE'S FUN
-HOW TO KILL A RAT WITH AN OBOE
-HOW TO ORGANIZE A 'TUPPERWARE' GANG BANG
-HOW TO WAVE GOODBYE WITHOUT MOVING YOUR ARMS
-HOW TO SPOT TRULY VICIOUS PEOPLE IN CHURCH
-HOW TO GET BACK FROM BOSTON
-HOW TO LEASE OUT THE SPACE INSIDE YOUR NOSE
-HOW TO GET A TAN WITH A FLASHLIGHT
-HOW TO START A RANGE WAR
-HOW TO SPOT A CREEP FROM A DISTANCE
-HOW TO GIVE A KING A REALLY HARD TIME
-HOW TO KILL YOUR NEPHEW
-HOW TO BECOME A GREASEBALL and
-HOW TO TURN UNBEARABLE PAIN INTO EXTRA INCOME

So call now, right now, join the book club today."
Tags: humour, sardonic, vent
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