Log in

No account? Create an account
Andrei in the office


Andrei's Universe

One man's journey from infinity to nothingness

Previous Entry Share Flag Next Entry
Andrei in the office

What is my problem

Well kids, this is my journal, so there. I've got stuff to write about. If you don't want to hear about it... don't read ahead...

Well, after a long discussion with the friend I pissed off on Friday...I decided to call for a shrink. My mood swings have been bordering on the obnoxious of late and tonight was no exception.

For those that don't know me well enough; I'm an occultist in an initiatory order. The practice is called thelema. The order is the OTO. One of our holidays is to celebrate the 3 days of the writing of (the 3 chapters of) the Book of the Law. This is for the most part the 'holy' book of the order.

Monday was Nuit. One can call her the loving female energy...
For some reason after the ritual I felt wasted and uneasy. Strange as I consider myself a hedonist.

Last night was Hadit: One can call him the infinitely small ever present bringer of life
This gave me a rare charge of alpha male energy. Felt like giving the world the finger and not caring.

Tonight was Ra-Hoor: I still don't get the 3rd chapter of the book. It's just strange. And the anxiety it caused was right in par with some of my dips of late. I felt violent, I felt alone. That feeling is wearing off, but I still feel like a hermit. Don't know if I want to talk to anyone for a day or two....

Course, I don't really get a choice in that.

Maybe I'll feel better after some sleep :-/

More details later.

  • 1
If memory serves me correctly, it took Uncle Al many years to cope with Chapter 3 himself.

I decided to call for a shrink

I hope that you find one that you like, and that will work for you.

*hugs* lots and lots of *hugs*

I know that you are going thru a lot in your life right now im sure you are trying to sort things out figure out things and deal with what is in the present...... My words to you are take time.... evaluate the situation.... if your feeling violent feeling alone figure out what is making you like this.... maybe some changes in your life need to take place.... I have always learned that if your not happy with a situation if things are bringing you down then something is wrong and it needs to change.... I think the hardest part is figuring out what the actual problem is..... If you feel alone call someone go out go to dinner talk do something just dont feel alone because that has to be a horrible feeling.... I feel it every night I know.... but in my situation I cant do anything about it right now I cant so I just figure out different ways of dealing with it.....

Andrei I know how you feel I know that things feel all crazy in your life that you feel you need to see a shrink.... That is great that you can see someone and talk to someone and I hope that they can bring some kind of peace to your life..... Lots and Lots of hugs and know that I am will always be here if you ever need anything an ear to listen to you or a hand to rub your feet *wink* I hope you start feeling better sweets I really really do.

I know I've sucessfully invoked RHK when I feel like I'm on my period. Doubt that helps a man out much. hhehe. I didn't do any formal style celebration, but I think watching a Shuttle Launch Monday was rather Nuit. Hope you find a shrink that helps give you a nudge to better help you help yourself. Love, Tiamat

  • 1