Andrei Freeman (lordandrei) wrote,
Andrei Freeman

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What is my problem

Well kids, this is my journal, so there. I've got stuff to write about. If you don't want to hear about it... don't read ahead...

Well, after a long discussion with the friend I pissed off on Friday...I decided to call for a shrink. My mood swings have been bordering on the obnoxious of late and tonight was no exception.

For those that don't know me well enough; I'm an occultist in an initiatory order. The practice is called thelema. The order is the OTO. One of our holidays is to celebrate the 3 days of the writing of (the 3 chapters of) the Book of the Law. This is for the most part the 'holy' book of the order.

Monday was Nuit. One can call her the loving female energy...
For some reason after the ritual I felt wasted and uneasy. Strange as I consider myself a hedonist.

Last night was Hadit: One can call him the infinitely small ever present bringer of life
This gave me a rare charge of alpha male energy. Felt like giving the world the finger and not caring.

Tonight was Ra-Hoor: I still don't get the 3rd chapter of the book. It's just strange. And the anxiety it caused was right in par with some of my dips of late. I felt violent, I felt alone. That feeling is wearing off, but I still feel like a hermit. Don't know if I want to talk to anyone for a day or two....

Course, I don't really get a choice in that.

Maybe I'll feel better after some sleep :-/

More details later.

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