I sit here at 12:15 am waiting for my pain killers to kick in... 3 root canals in one day. Even my dentist thought I was mad. And that was trying to find his way through what apparently was complex nerves.
So, one of my duties this week has been to repair an iBook that I personally managed to munge. In a stellar act of bravado, I clobbered the iBook by installing the new version of Mac OS, Tiger.
I tried a few repair methods in Seattle and now have the sick 'pooter here at my home office. My next planned attempt was to install a bare-bones OS onto one of my firewire drives to have a running scratch space from which to run some disk utils. So I found my old 10 Gig FW drive. I got this drive while I was in San Diego.
Opening the drive to peruse it, I found an encrypted 500 MB partition. Amazingly, I not only had the software to open it, but remembered the password. Oh, the treasures I found there. Not the least of which was a journal that dated to BEFORE my live journal days... BEFORE my California days. Matter of fact, one of my favourite entries right at the beginning reads:
5/9/98 9:21 AM (Pacific)
Okay…more reasons for the Journal. I’m taking this OTO thing that I’ve done fairly seriously. I’m not sure if this is good or bad. So hopefully, I’ll now be able to analyze that through punching it out in written (typed) form.
To put this in perspective, this entry occurred 20 days after my 1° which was also 55 days after my Minerval. That's right, less that 60 days in from joining the order and I'm talking about, "... this OTO thing..." and whether or not taking it fairly seriously, "...is good or bad." heh.
Later in the post I go on to say:
Do what thou wilt, shall be the whole of the Law. Eleven simple words that I’d already made a part of my life before I even met ΘΗΛΕΜΑ,
I marvel at my ignorance at noticing the phrase had eleven words and how little the number eleven meant to me then.
But I look at the journal then as I look at the one I have now.
Large canyons of space between entries. References to things I need to go back and fill in. Formulations of big ideas that trail off quickly. *sigh* Times that I think it'd be nice to start typing and not stop until I was done. Wishings that I could go back and find every, "I'll get back to this" and make a list so I could get back to them.
And most importantly, the discipline to keep up the progress. Not merely to post publicly, but to post my feelings without prodding the audience for a response. To post my private thoughts to me more often and consistently. And to finish what I start.
I view myself as a work in progress. Some things I have improved noticeably on in short amounts of time. Some things have changed in a more subtle way over much longer period of time. Some things haven't progressed anywhere nearly as much as I've wanted to. Some things have barely moved at all.
I am in a transition into a new phase of my life. Maybe this will be another thing that really begins to improve.
As the famous, "They" often say... today is the first day of the rest of your life.