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Andrei in the office


Andrei's Universe

One man's journey from infinity to nothingness

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Andrei in the office

My horrorscope today

If you keep carrying around your "work face" all the time, you might lose sight of the real you. The ruler of your 6th house is conjuncting your Natal Sun, encouraging you to take a few days off. Follow your strong desire to focus on and attend to your personal needs, whatever they may be. During the next 3 days, go inward and listen to the voice deep inside; it will help you to find your center again and express yourself the way you really are.

I'm reminded of a conversation recently between Lila and Angel. Angel warns Lila that if she keeps on her game face too long, it'll stay that way. Lila points out that she's always had her game face and has worked long and hard not to lose it. In the past few days I've been reminded that I'm not really meant to pursue my personal needs. Personal needs are for the young, thin, smart, and rich.

My job is to do what is assigned to me whether I enjoy it or not. My job is to remember that no matter how much fire someone with tons of Aries in the first house may have, the universe would rather it be watered, tempered and kept out of the main game play.

I have decided to make some changes in my computer behavior. Last night I noticed that 201 buddies in 27 groups. Casually looking through the logs I've noticed that of those, I am active with maybe 12 people. Of those, I've noticed that I instigate conversations over 95% of the time with most. granted...instigation pretty much consists of, "Hi" to see if they'd like to chat today.

I figure, I'm not going to start any conversations for a while. With all these conversations that I feel I may be forcing others into, I figure, maybe I've become an unnecessary, unwanted intrusion. So... I figure, If I go a week and don't hear from someone....maybe I've been annoying them and I should drop them from the list. I realize this is thoroughly backwards logic.

Maybe it's because I'm turning 34 in less than 24 hours. Maybe it's because my personal self-repair hasn't gone as far as I thought it has. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself because things have gone badly this year. Personally, I've lived a third of a century...and I feel as though I'm losing more than I am gaining.

For those that know me... I went to a theatre guild meeting last night. I'm supposed to direct cuttings from Midsummer. I don't think I have it in me anymore. I didn't want to be there. I think I've lost the desire to direct. And I don't know if this should scare me more of less than it does.

(Other posts may follow in other journals of mine)

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You don't annoy me; I'm just busy. I don't "instigate" conversations with people because I always think they're busy too and will message me when they're not. ;) Don't stop messaging me, please. Then I'll never talk to you and that would be a sad state of affairs.

Many people assumed that I meant 'them in particular' with this post. I'm aware that there are people who don't really have time to take an active AIM approach. But I appreciate the response.

This was more for the people that I keep in my list and have wandered off or the people in my list who I think have conversations with me just out of convenience of keeping me pacified.

Re: It's interesting

I didn't think you meant me. I was just making sure that you knew that you're welcome in my life. ;)

I think I've lost the desire to direct. And I don't know if this should scare me more of less than it does.

So long as you're breathing I don't think you'll lose that desire. You may lose sight of it, or maybe it's currently being trumped by your "work face", but as well as I know you, that's a fire that should never, ever go out. From your post it seems your work environment is taking over. Don't let it. Get small victories. F@*! the universe, cuz it's supposed to be working for you. It may not always, but keep trying.

I'm reminded of a commencement speech given by Winston Churchill at some university in England. Here it is in its entirety:
"Never give up! Never give up! Never give up!"

Greg, don't give up.

Nobody likes a quitter

This topic is something one of my favorite guy friends always said to me when I tried to quit smoking. He said it somewhat in Jest of course. Bro, you feel people dont want to talk to you? Fuck busy, fuck tired, fuck bored and fuck deppressed. I was all of those. Change it. Just fucking do it. Get out. Get out. Roam. You have invitations, you just may be as blind as I was to take the opportunities...no matter how trivial they may be. Remember that party we went to? There are many more gatherings, social occasions, or just times to hang out for the hell of it. I feel that sometimes healing the self comes in the way of FORGETTING that we need to be healed. Just go out and do it. Ill be waiting for your calls. Or for you to take up another invite.

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