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Andrei in the office


Andrei's Universe

One man's journey from infinity to nothingness

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Andrei in the office

Flame on, the monthly rant.... "Just Kidding"

Let me start off by saying, "If I hear the phrase Just Kidding used one more time as an all encompassing absolution, I'm going to start taking people to task.

This little catch phrase has worked its way into our common vernacular. You've probably heard it.

I don't feel like seeing a movie tonight
Like I'd actually want to see a movie with you... Just kidding.

Do people HONESTLY believe that when they make a gut statement, which reduces to the lack of censoring their inside voice of honesty, that ANYONE believes for one second, that this is "Just kidding."

Face it. You're saying what's on your mind. But you're using some catch phrase to make people think it's okay, or worse... that it's not what you meant to say.

Here's my stand:
If you didn't mean to say it, then don't F*&#ing say it to begin with.
If you did mean to say it, have the f&$%ing balls to admit to your own opinion and take responsibility for it.

I see this in the work world, in friendly company, and familial relationships. And to be honest, it's just plain dishonest and deceptive.

Rant off.

Guess what... NOT kidding.

Note: Comments to this rant that ignore this rant and decide for ironic value to poke fun and end said comment with , just kidding the humour it will be considered for deletion, punting, unsubscription, and possibly blocking.

Edit: Thanks to ethernight I tried to clarify the end note. This is a consideration depending on context, not an immediate punting.

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I can't speak to what other people mean when they do it, but To add a datapoint, I have absolutely used that phrase and absolutely meant that I was just kidding. Wasn't being deceptive or dishonest in the least. I was, simply, just kidding.

- donna

I'm with you on this one.

I say, "No, I'm kidding!" when I AM kidding and people don't get my sense of humor.

If I have something "mean" to say, I try to say it nicer than I generally would, but I say it.

"Note: comments that ignore this rant and decide for ironic value to poke fun and end it will be considered for deletion, punting, unsubscription, and possibly blocking."

Firstly, I assume that you meant to say, "...and end it 'just kidding'...".

Secondly. It seems to me that your complaint here is people using the "just kidding" thing as a way to get away with expressing something that they really think, but are afraid to say outright. I don't recall ever encountering this particular use of the phrase, but I can see how that would be quite annoying.

However, I don't see what this has to do with using the phrase to poke a little fun when a person is obviously actually kidding. If you would seriously consider deleting, unsubscribing, or blocking me if I were to poke a little fun, then please by all means, do so. I really will not be that upset at losing someone who takes themselves so very seriously that they can't laugh at themselves a little, and are willing to sacrifice friends as a result.

Firstly, I assume that you meant to say, "...and end it 'just kidding'...".

Thanks. Fixed

However, I don't see what this has to do with using the phrase to poke a little fun when a person is obviously actually kidding.

More often than not, I have made posts that state, "This really pisses me off." Typically, this also means, I really don't think putting it my face after I've just told you it pisses me off is going to be appreciated as humour.

Thus, the statement is in short form... I'm serious. And don't comment back doing this to try to be funny. There are plenty of ways to be funny and kid around. And I don't mind being kidded with. Nor do I mind people being blunt with me. What I mind is what I've outlined above.

Well, that explanation didn't work either

I am just not getting my words right today.

I reread that and it felt like I was pointing it at you. Basicallly, what I was trying to get at was that I didn't want any comments that were comprised someone's snarkiness followed by, "Just kidding" to see if they could get away with it for humour value.

If this still doesn't sound right... I'm just not getting it out today. It's pointed at people who have really oiked me off doing this recently in person.. and none of them have ever posted in my journal.

I just wasn't in the mood for people to try it out for fun after I'd popped a gasket over someone doing it to me in person one too many times.

Er... with seriosity, I've not heard this since high school, usually with the phrase "syke".

"Hey, that boy likes you!  ...  Syyyyyykeee."

I don't use it... ever, really.  People know when I'm joking, and when I'm serious, most often.  If not, they know me enough to ask.

I can't imagine that you've spontaneously had this spasm of hate, so uh, I'm sorry that someone was juvenile enough to use this phrase on you.

Don't worry, you'll never hear that asinine phrase from me!

*shrug* Sounds like the old fashion of "psyche!" or "not!" or whatever.

I have to agree with you here. "Just kidding" is bullshit. If a person just told me I'm fat (for example) they actually thought that thought. The kidding is a social edit to their thoughts and if they really wanted to be tactful, they'd have edited before saying anything in the first place. What it basically boils down to is thinking BEFORE one speaks.

And I do acknowledge that there are certain situations where is may be appropriate to horse around a bit and tease your friends. The problem is that people don't recognize the difference between appropriate teasing and inappropriate abrasiveness.

Good call, man.

Many a truth is said in jest and all that there...
It's kind of like when lawyers say something in court that they know damn well they shouldn't have said and then say "withdrawn" as if people will just magically forget that it was said.

Unfortunately occasionally it does creep into my speech. Usually it's just a quick slip of the tongue because unfortunately many people do not get that I was "just kidding" when I'm making a joke. My sense of humor is... well... lacking sometimes.

That being said those people who think that a simple "just kidding" fixes everything... should be shot. It doesn't... If you think you offended me then let me be offended... but don't tell me you were just kidding to spare my feelings.

On a side note I tend to liken this to the Southern phrase "Bless her/ his heart."

This is basically a qwuick phrase to throw in there before you say something that could be considered negative... example "He was dumb as a doornail, bless his heart." And somehow it's all ok... I don't get it.

Ah, yes, most wise you are my friend. In the NLP community we call this a 'negation.' The subconcious mind is unable to process a negetive. Example: DON'T think of a pink elephant in a blue tu-tu, driving a black camaro with the t-tops off.

It could be argued that "Just kidding" is an attempt by the individual's concious mind to create a cover-up for what the subconcious is just dying to let out. However, I know from my own experience that we all like to say things for the comic value or for other reasons when we are indeed kidding... so what matters is the intention and not what is actually said, it should become obvious by the speaker's inflection whether he/she is kidding or not.. If it is so difficult to determine that the speaker has to tack on 'just kidding' he/she probably was not kidding.

So in my opinion, what is said goes hand in hand with HOW something is said, the hidden messages in tonality, body language, inflection, and facial expression that will let you know the true someone's true intentions.

Recall the last time you asked your wife "what's wrong?" and she responded with THE ULTIMATE FEMALE MIND TRICK:

"nothing's wrong..."

My husband does this all the time! I thought it was a guy thing to do that!

I have to agree with Importscout (someone please tell me how to do the cool LJ link thingee???) about the negation... it is frustrating if someone is not willing to express what they're feeling in a direct manner... especially that "nothing's wrong" crap.

Though, I have been guilty of both... but as for the 'just kidding,' it is genuine the few times I use it (I've got a deadpan delivery that messes with some people who don't know me well) and I've never used it to negate something I said about the person I was talking to... usually just to confirm that I don't really eat babies, or something...

I prefer my human flesh aged to about 20-30 years.

I've done the "nothing's wrong" routine, but not as a way to make people ask me what's wrong. I've done it to hide times when I was feeling angry or upset when I thought it was wrong for me to feel that way. Of course, my body language always gives me away. I've had perfect strangers stop me in the hall and ask, "What's wrong?"

lj user=username, only with <>'s around it. Likes so: heruraha

Don't forget the quotation marks

<lj user="insertljnamehere">

Quotation marks aren't necessary, lordandrei.

If they're really not necessary, that tag'll work fine.

Plus, that's one less thing I have a chance to typo!

I for one am in complete agreement with you on this!

Regardless of someone's insistence that a comment was only made in jest... if they said, they thought it and more than likely meant it. Seriously own up to it if you feel that way and can't control your internal editor enough to not voice things you'd rather people not know your thinking. Control of one's thoughts and feeling is a highly under-rated thing!

The 'just kidding' excuse drives me absolutely nuts as well.

Have to disagree with you on this one. While some people may very well be using the phrase to gloss over something they actually mean (which I think sucks, for the record), I know that's not always the case because I, personally, have absolutely used it and been completely kidding from the start. Granted, it's not a common thing, but it is something I've done on rare occasions.

To me, i can be a device rather like sarcasm (which also can be used in a funny, positive way or a mean way, depending on the intention of the speaker).

There's other instances where one might say the exact opposite of what they mean. For example: Eating at a restaurant and the server walks by with a beautiful, glistening, succulent-looking chocolate thingy, and I say, "Oh, wow. Look at that ... Don't want that ONE BIT. Nope. Not me. No chocolate lust going on over here. None at all. ..." Obviously, in that scenario, I'm coveting said chocolate thingy, and REALLY wanting it. But I'm saying the opposite out loud. Does that mean I actually *mean* what I'm saying, just because I thought about it enough to say it?

- donna

On the whole I agree with you. However, I think my bro, importscout, hits the nail on the head.

Some people, myself included, tend to tease a bit. Sometimes this can come across wrong and clarification that it was not meant seriously is necessary. This is, I feel, the proper use of these kinds of phrases. Unfortunatly there are those who use it as a "cover" for their true feelings which may be socially unacceptable. Often there is some truth in teasing, but the emotional content is different. As it was said earlier, "its the intent that matters." Intent can often be misread, one of the hazards of being a social animal, I suppose.

To take an example from the other night, my comment, "did we have a choice?" was meant in the vein of BH officers taking personal responsibility for the opperations of the oasis. It was meant in good humor and amusement. When it was apparent that it was taken in the vein of a person feeling obligated or coerced into participation it was necessary for me to issue a clarification of my intent.

The reason for my long winded diatribe, in response to your long winded diatribe ;), is that I think to automatically assume that because someone uses the phrase "just kidding" they are attempting a social cover for their true feelings is a mistake. Its true that the human mind cannot picture a negative, but that does not mean that we cannot phrase things with opposite meanings. In other words, the fact that we cannot "don't think of a pink elephant" does not mean we cannot tell someone "don't think of a pink elephant."

Oh, if you're offended by my reference to your post being a "long winded diatribe", don't worry, I was only... :P

Why thank you my brother. All in all, I would say that if someone is kidding, it should be obvious by their subconcious signals. Like when my room mate Shawn pops into my room and calls me a 'cheese dick.' He doesn't have to say 'just kidding' because it's obvious from his mischevious smile on his face that he is in fact kidding. If I were to get offended (due to the fact that my dick is certainly NOT made of cheese) he would say 'jeez..just kidding,' because he in fact was indeed kidding.

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