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Andrei in the office


Andrei's Universe

One man's journey from infinity to nothingness

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Andrei in the office

The poly quandry

So, I'm taking a personality test on a dating site... go fig...

And there is a question that absolutely has me stymied.

It would offend me greatly if someone I was on a date with flirted with the bartender.
The of course the usual: Strongly agree, agree, disagree, strongly disagree.

Well gosh. Hmmn. And that's not sarcastic.

I am of two entirely different minds. The one side is the traditional side.
This is my time with you. I'd like you to be paying attention to me as I'm paying attention to you. We organized this time to be together on a date and one of us wandering off... Just doesn't seem right.

One side is the poly side.
Love of many doesn't preclude or in anyway reduce the capability of the love of another. H and I go out somewhere and one of us suddenly finds the other ogling someone. I think I can actually speak for both of us when I say that this in no way whatsoever diminishes our feelings for each other.

I think here, the debate is going to come down to the definition of terms. Flirt, Date, Someone...I think bartender we can skip over.

Is this someone who I'm trying to get to know better and trying to gauge my own flirtations with? If so... I'd probably want to be the focus for the evening and vice-versa make them my focus. Is the purpose of the evening time for just the two of us to enjoy each other's company... Yeah, then getting off that track may annoy me. Is it someone I'm very happily involved with and we're having a fun carefree night out? Then rules (if you can call them rules) are different and everyone should be more than open.

It's strange. Well, then again.. so am I. Too many dating sites just don't give you much wiggle room when you don't play by the dictates of the masses.

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I agree with you that this is a particularly tricky question... Don't forget, is this a "first date" or a regular date with a primary partner? Is this a date with a long distance relationship you haven't seen in a few months, or with someone who's closer. Is the bartender cute, and you'd both like to take home and shag, or is your date really abandoning you to flirt and get the bartender for themself? For that matter, is it going to mean better drinks and service, or is it just a casual "the person on a date is usually friendly anyway" situation.

So yeah. "Offended" really isn't the right word, and it all depends on the situation for me. :)

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