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Andrei in the office


Andrei's Universe

One man's journey from infinity to nothingness

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Andrei in the office

Notes.... Part 1

I've come to the conclusion there are some things that I really need to post about. These are topics that are harder for me to post about.

Yes, we have all the wondrous fluff about "what pattern would the stripes be on my spotted yak" tests. We have combating posts about how many posts we've made. Self designed tests to see if people really know who we want them to think we are and of course how many people care.

I haven't posted in a few days (weeks) seriously for reasons that I'll now explain. (I pause while I discover 1 2" white hair trying to uniquely grow from directly between my right eyebrow and my (new) hairline. I unfortunately, invoke the powers of conservatism and rend this individual away from the great plains of defiance. Pluck)

January has been a transforming month for me. In 1999 I had a transforming year...It's only fitting that this be a transforming month.

I posted a poll a while ago talking about making another journal called "DarkAndrei. This was over a month ago as I was preparing myself for the personal depression that is the holiday season. I thought about why I wanted another Journal and in retrospect the answer was quite simple. I didn't want to share everything with the world. There are things that people in my (ever dynamic) social circle really don't need/want/have to be subjected to.

Like everyone out there, I have history. I have skeletons, I have horrors. I have night terrors.

Everyday I look for a way to face down one or revel in another. Some of the horrors of my past I have gone on to fix or replace with renewed growth. Some of what I need to write and examine could very well open very old wounds just as the scars seem to actually be fading.

Everyday is a new journey, But at the same time, the miles are already on the odometer and someday you may have to account for how you got there.

I have been spotty with this journal because the words have been so hard to find and the self-consciousness has been far too severe to let me feel free enough to post.

I have created a series of security groups. These are to close certain posts because I don't feel they are appropriate to all readers. Some concern sexuality, some concern my philosophy/religion.... Some are as mundane as the embarrassing questions about how the human body works. But embarrassing none the less.

I may post very rarely to these groups. Unfortunately, to those who are not LJ members, this means there is no way I can let you into these posts. (I will sponsor memberships to friends that wish to be anonymous) Some of these groups currently have a very small membership. People who don't know me very well and aren't likely to have an affect; people who know me very well and will only evaluate. Some groups may be missing people who think they should be on the list....but in truth....this is for me. If you think you or someone should be on one of my lists....email me. Otherwise...don't complain...It really is my life :)

I'm not closing myself off. The bulk of what I feel and post will be public. Just the things that I'm not ready to talk about with everyone....that may get....limited release in a couple of cities first.

More in a moment.

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Its your Journal you know that and I have learned the hard way if I want something private then I need to post private or only a selected group of friends.... I have learned this is a great place to release a lot of those skeletons and night thingies and the sort because people here shouldnt judge you at all they usually help more then anything and they more then anything understand because surprisingly they have been thru it or are going thru it......


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