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Andrei in the office


Andrei's Universe

One man's journey from infinity to nothingness

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Andrei in the office

Status: Mainly the flu

Haven't had much else to post about.

Just 'dosed' again. I have to force food before I medicate because part of my medication is Ibuprofen. This morning at the peak of my dosage period I was reading 98.9. This is a good sign; but it's also while medicated. I wasn't exactly fully focused at that point.

I held out until 1:45 (P) for this afternoon's medication. My temperature was 100.5 which (besides being a good radio station somewhere) is also the lowest temperature that I've had while un-medicated.

The down side is that the Ibuprofen disables my Zyrtec. This is allergy medication I take everyday to prevent me from having random parts of my body swell up. If you've ever seen an extreme allergic reaction...I get them. I'm just not really allergic to anything that allergists have been able to find.

Current result: Hands and fingers are swollen horribly today. Effectively I can type but I can't close my hands further than gripping a cup or phone receiver. This too shall pass in a few days.

I was able to make myself a cup of soup which I'm eating which is also a good sign. This means my appetite is coming back up.

In other news:
The sale of my ESPP finally dumped partially into my brokerage acct. I've already contacted them and they are wiring it to my local bank. If my bank is on the ball I will be able to go there tomorrow and request a bank cheque or other form of guaranteed money and send it along to my current major debt that day. My goal was to have it remedied by the weekend. This makes it a few days earlier. I only wish I'd been able to be more timely and not as foolish so as to have been more honest about it.

In further news: (Damn, he won't shut up...he must be getting better...We won't necessarily say improving)
Thanks to Meredith who has been helping me while I've been incredibly sick; I have made a discovery. She brought a copy of 'Finance for dummies' Interestingly, there was a section on "Debtors Anonymous" It is pretty much the same thing as "Alcoholics Anonymous" but for people with extreme and self-destructive money related behavior.

I am of two minds on this one.... I've subcribed to one one of their Yahoo groups (web only) to look. I am very interested in this because I think that working with other people who share the same problem can help me greatly. Unfortunately, it is a true 12 step program that seems to provide true salvation only under the acceptance that "GOD" will guide you to the light.

My concern is not the word of the guidance but the result of the word. I am very comfortable in what I see as my personal view of the "Divine" I can look at the 12 steps and see that I have been missing them in my own spiritual views. HOWEVER, I also (possibly wrongfully) assume that the average person in 12 step programs have a very standard, popular view of a "Judeo-Christian" God. My concern is that people will be more interested in 'converting me' than helping me reach it on my own terms.

"Because your view of God is wrong, you can't reach the next step..."

Not sure what to do yet on this one...But I am looking and will probably wind up mailing them either today or tomorrow and trying one meeting (at least)

Okay...Ibuprofen is kicking in so typing is getting harder. Maybe more later.

Oh...after thought...
Thank you so much to everyone who has been writing to checking up on me and ask how I am doing. Especially I want to thank Ariana who has probably used more phone time (for online and calls) and kept me in great spirits. And had the misfortune of correcting my ever flakey memory that there is only 1 N in her name. I still think I caught it from her dad.

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When I went to AA, aside from a prayer, there was no mention of "God", just "a higher power".

Re: some thoughts....

That's actually really comforting. If it stays in those terms I'm alot more comfortable. I think it's a general uncomfortability with popular religion because in my eyes, most people have turned that into an oxymoron.

I have many friends who practice traditional religions today who through conversation have brought me to understand that there are people who truly see their religion as their personal guidance. For example see some absolutely wonderful and incredible posts by fiannaharpar around the period of Christmas this past season.

Please excuse if this post makes little sense. The drugs have kicked in...and I am quite the fuzzy one now. What I'm trying to say is that Judaism and Christianity are not my concerns. My concerns are the people who perceive themselves in a religion but don't truly understand why they practice the religion beyond (Well, I was raised that way) and as a result only know that everyone else is wrong.

Your comments about AA give me the impression that people there do understand the issues that make me nervous and give me more reason to write the email to DA as soon as possible.

Thank you so much :)

Yeah, i've only ever heard "A Higher Power" in 12-step (AA, NA, and OA).....

side note: Did you ever notice that there is an Overeaters Anonymous, but no Anorexics Anonymous, I guess it's because the acronym AA was already taken.

I would recommend that you get your hands on a copy of the AA "Big Book", which is available in lots of places, and is the model for pretty much every other 12-step program. It may even be on-line somewhere. Personally, i've never felt the urge to fully take "a 12-step walk off of an 11 step pier", but it works for some people. Hell, Eamon has gotten sober with 12-step after being drunk for *years*. Take a look at it and see if it will help you.

Hang in there, Greg. Keep going the way you're going, be it easy or hard. I'm hoping everything goes well with your healing, in all its forms.

BTW, I gotta say that your reverse silvered picture is one of the coolest of you I've seen in years. Nicely done.

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