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Andrei in the office

lordandrei

Andrei's Universe

One man's journey from infinity to nothingness


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Andrei in the office
lordandrei

Addiction... my views

In a post from yesterday I made the observation

Addiction is the relying use of some 'thing' called Xto make some other 'thing' called Y 'go away'. It doesn't fix Y, and it doesn't give any positive results. Further, it probably in the long run makes Y worse and probably adds other new and different Ys in the process. Finally, it is an addiction if any use of 'X' causes reliance to return.


This definition is very convoluted. I want to make it smaller but I want to make sure that everything holds up. I have the feeling that people will disagree with me on this. I've already come up against people I know on line who have been addicted to substances. There seems to be a huge wall between physical addiction and mental addiction. Personally, I don't see the difference.

Some might argue that the body is stronger than the brain and vice-versa. Personally, if either have control then addiction occurs. I feel more for those that suffer mental/emotional addictions for two reasons:
1) It is harder to detect and easier to hide.
2) It is my problem and I'm thoroughly biased.

I will comment that I don't feel that physical addictions are any less important or valid, I'm just saying that my understanding and appreciation goes to those who I feel I share issues with.

My addiction as I've said in the previous post (linked above) has been to deception. The addiction is made more difficult for an affinity to theatre. The ultimate deception. (See Galaxy Quest)

I will state my views as to why I feel that my deception has been an addiction and try to parallel it to another 'acceptable' addiction.

Addiction is the relying use of some 'thing' called Xto make some other 'thing' called Y 'go away'.
Like the habitual smoker who uses cigarettes to 'calm their nerves" I have been using deception (creative answers and downright lies) to diffuse situations in my life. This begins to plum deeper into what my real issues are. Again, with something like cigarettes, we see the real issue, the 'nerves' are a response to the nicotine that the cigarettes put in the system initially.

It doesn't fix Y, and it doesn't give any positive results.
Fix is a hard word to use here. Because the point of an addiction is that it creates a 'quick fix' It spackles the hole in the wall, But the hole is still there. In the case of deception all it really does is pave the way for the next one. One effectively becomes a chain liar leaping from deception to deception. I often picture myself as tarzan or in the Jungle hunt video game swinging from vine to vine. I'm praying that I don't miss or that some thing doesn't surprise me down the vine and knock me off. Once you hit this point the vines always get further and further apart and eventually you fall.

Further, it probably in the long run makes Y worse and probably adds other new and different Ys in the process.
I'm picking on cigarettes...it's not my vice. (One of the few that I don't have) Cigarettes --> expenses --> Teeth --> litter --> lungs --> lawsuit that the Corporations wash their hands of. --> Adequate films with Russel Crowe. I don't even need to explain the old adage of one lie begets another. I am living the boy with a town full of wolves. And they are all wolves that I invoked. And if there is any doubt in what deception can bring you. You can go back and reread posts I've made in the past day or so.

Finally, it is an addiction if any use of 'X' causes reliance to return. I personally, believe addiction can be kicked. But you must clean your system of what causes the addiction and then be aware that the risk exists. At the same time, I don't know if we ever can clean out any damage completely. Who we are are the sum of our life and experiences. Each event is permanently etched into the bio matrix that is our soul, our memory, and our personalities. To get past it we have to find the true ball of ugliness that everything hence has grown from....We have to find it, Look it in the eyes and work around it.
With chemistry, we can know what it is...but can we clean it out. In my eyes, most chemical dependency is because we said, sure...I'll put this into my system. Emotional dependencies are trained and learned and incorporated when we don't even know it's happening.

The old question...is gender preference learned or genetic? Personally I vote genetic. At the same time, I think behavior traits...are learned. But it's not an excuse...It's a realization to learn the problem and not let the problem guide you.

Oh, yes. Some easy sounding words. The journey for me so far has been hell. At least if you've been stoned for 10 years and then dry they tend to just chock up the past to the drugs and let it go. It's a bad and a good example I guess...First you have to be able to prove your dry.

And like I said....the journey so far has been hell.


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I can agree that chemical addictions are easier to identify, and hence are more known to society at large. But I think that I have a different view on where most chemical addictions arise from - to me they are symptoms of a deeper issue. It isn't hard to figure out that drugs destroy lives, so why do people do it anyway? It is a symptom of a deeper need for escape from something - the same as any other addiction. So I would suggest that chemical and mental addictions are actually closer, rather than further apart, than you suggest. They both come down to seeking an abeyance of pain rather than dealing with it head on. Mind you, I am _not_ inclined to be judgemental here, often when the pain starts we don't have the ability to deal with it head on, and using a crutch can get us through until we can. The problem is when the crutch takes on a life of its own, and _becomes_ the pressing problem. It still doesn't invalidate the usefulness it once had, but it sure as heck doesn't work anymore!

If it is of any help at all, I have generally found that people don't become aware of, and ready to deal with, mental addictions until they are in a place where they are strong enough to deal with it. It is as if there is a self-protective mechanism in place that doesn't allow you to confront it until you really _can_ handle it, and do something about it. So in a twisted sort of way, it is a sign of strength.

From Having Been There....

I will talk to you more on IM today, but I wanted to address just this one point here:

"Oh, yes. Some easy sounding words. The journey for me so far has been hell. At least if you've been stoned for 10 years and then dry they tend to just chock up the past to the drugs and let it go. It's a bad and a good example I guess...First you have to be able to prove your dry."

I wish that it had been that easy. Very few people that I have interacted with that knew me when I was drinking/doing drugs have chalked things up to me being chemically dependant. Not everyone gets off so easy. There are even people who think that i'm due for a relapse any second now and still shouldn't be trusted.

I do okay with it because I know that i'm clean and sober and responsible and happy. I know that i'm not going to have a huge relapse and go back to living on the street again. Their opinion doesn't effect what I know about myself.

That little tidbit took me nearly six years to come to, accept, and live it. Before then, their opinion mattered....oh, did it ever.

As I said yesterday, I have faith in you and believe in your abilities. Just because I get frustrated and angry with you doesn't mean that I don't love you any more or any less. You're family, Greg. *hug*

The purpose of an addiction is hide the unbearable pain of reality

(Anonymous)
Hi,

I was searching for the source of a quote that goes:

The purpose of an addiction is hide the unbearable pain of reality

And came across your words
... the point of an addiction is that it creates a 'quick fix' It spackles the hole in the wall, But the hole is still there

Do you by any chance happen to know the source of my quote?

Cheers,
notlong@funnelwebinternet.com.au

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