September 17th, 2006

Why me?!?!?

Daddy is up late.

I hear him breathe. I wonder if it is normal breathing. I lay next to him wondering if I am doing enough...wondering if I'm not missing something obvious and important.

Was that grumble to hoarse? Should I be checking him for fever? Are we over/underfeeding him? is that a bister, a rash, allergy? Will I always be strong when she needs me?

I find myself impatiently waiting for the time where I'm searching for the answers to everyone of his questions. But now... I just hope I make it day to day being there when and as needed for them.

As I lay down... I see myself wantimg to be 6 again. I lay in my fiberglass, racing car bed. I see my room growing desk, my windows...

But the safety of that time is gone... I am a little boy grown up...

I hope I am doing this right.