August 4th, 2004

Andrei in the office

W-10 and counting; forms, names and foo

Got the name change packet yesterday (italicized because I was expecting form not formssss). This was approximately 12 pages of paperwork. Now I understand why people charge $175 to fill it out for you.

A couple of people have asked what is going on with the name change so here are the details. I've made several posts about my name... I may or may not re-link those here. Probably not because life is too busy the next 12 days

I will be legally (and expensively) changing my name to
Andrei A. (insert our new family name here)

Interestingly, neither 'A' name in my new name comes from my middle birth middle name.

H will be keeping her first name and moving her family name to her middle name.
H. K. (ionfnh)

We have gone thru quite a bit of effort to come up with a family name. There were several rules that went into the process:
  • It must be something that we both like
  • It must sound natural
  • It shouldn't claim any specific ethnic history
  • It shouldn'd sound fake, made up, silly, flufffy, hippy
  • It should be something that will minimize the potential chiding our children may receive

We've also tried to not tell anyone the new name yet unless there was driving need to. The ritual of marriage is the ritual that celebrates our love, commitment, and bonds we wish to acknowledge publicly. So it makes sense to tie the unveiling and use of the name on that occasion. :)

Also thus, in our wedding registry we have requested no monogramed gifts ;)
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Andrei in the office


(This post was originally made friends only... I don't see any reason to hide this)

So, while working on bugs my sister decided to send me a message through an old IM account that I leave logged in at the office.

we need to let this hate go, already

I started typing. I started typing a response...

While typing she added:

fine, when u need family, noone will be there to help..I tried and I'm tired of the lagging, pathetic, lame fighting..There is more to fight in Iraq than in family

Then I finished and sent:

We need to stop starting conversations with what you believe I need to do. You need to acknowledge that this isn't hate this is indifference. You need to realize it's going to take more than you telling me to 'put behind me' what you and my birth mother by name have done to me over the years, to make me care about what you want. I have a happy, healthy, and drama free life now. Every interaction with you and her has only lead to more personal drama, grief, stress, and sometimes debt. Until such time as you realize that... I really don't have much care about what you think, "we" need.

As for 'when I need a family', the reason I walked away was because when "I needed a family" I got the above problems. I have made my own family. And I can depend on them. Thank you for your time. Please contemplate what I've written. Good bye.

Then I logged off.

My name IS Andrei.
I refused to be a victim and I refuse to be a victim now.
I'm a survivor of emotional abuse.
No Pity. No Shame. No Silence.
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    relieved relieved