February 11th, 2004

Andrei in the office

A steady but slow recovery...

Last night, while still feeling pretty hellish I continued to work fighting off this crud that I have been harbouring since Friday.

Since, it was advised that I may not be doing enough personal magickal work, I decided to see if I could remedy that.

It was about midnight. So I started by doing a silent Star Ruby and a silent Liber Resh for midnight. A lot of people comment about whether a silent performance of a ritual that has vocalization and vibration are as effective. I can't answer that for sure. For me it was what seemed to be acceptable at the time. It also didn't help that with the cold in my throat, prolonged speech was causing me to cough. I wanted to stay focussed during this process. Also, with a good sense of being able to 'hear' the 'sound' of my thoughts, I could easily hear the sounds that I would otherwise may have vocalized. Somewhere, I remember reading (or having read at me) a passage where AC was on a bus (I think in London) and he began to gesture silently. He was performing Resh quietly so as not to disturb those around him.

Humourously, my sinuses cleared a little during the Ruby.

Afterwards, I took a look in the Magician's companion and noted that the flu is tied to the Vishuddha Chakra. The colour of this chakra is Indigo. So I mentally tried to visualize this chakra. I tried a variation on an exercise from an old Wicca 101 class I'd taken down in Ocean Beach in San Diego.

I mentally pictured the chakra as a small dimmed ball of indigo light in my throat. The light was dimmed from all the pollutants in my system. I then tried to energize it and make the ball expand and brighten. I made a mental image if it expanding as if towards the infinite. As it the energy expanded, I saw the ball glow brighter with a clearer Indigo hue. Letting the pollutants be spread thin and attracted to their next destination in the universe. Slowly I pulled the energy back in. I let the indigo light shrink. I brought it back to where it was and then continued to shrink the image until I could focus it into an infinitely small singularity. In my mind, I know that I didn't exercise the pollutants from my body. But, whereas before, I'd tried to push some away and let them go, now I was trying to condense a smaller remaining amount that I was visualizing as if corralling. Trying to put it in a place where my bodies natural defenses could work on it. After a moment I let the energy return to what felt like a natural state. It was a small indigo sphere. Not as bright as I'd empowered it but not as dim as I pictured it when I started.

I slept fitfully last night. I ran out of NyQuil for my second dosage. My second dose last night was approximately 1/2 of a full dose. I took one decongestant tablet with my NyQuil. More fitful sleep. And of course a lot of trying to suffocate the kitten that has taken to sleeping in the chasm of the blanket that lays between my legs.

I woke up at about my normal waking time. I am feeling about 70% of my typical health. Since I felt at about 30% at bedtime, this was an appreciated improvement. My morning regimen consisted of the Star Ruby, Liber Resh for the morning. I actually went to the living room and did some shoulder crunches and situps. (10 each) I took a nice long shower and managed to get all the knots out of my hair that had been trying to dread-lock itself over the past 3 days. I then went off to the kitchen and made some tasty (Costco Purchased) Apple & Cinnamon oatmeal. I had a glass of OJ and some DayQuil.

I contemplated going in to the office. But then decided against it. Currently we are not stressed at the office. While I'd prefer not to burn much more of the time off that I have, I'd also prefer not to push myself until I'm up to strength again. My throat is still unhappy and my congestion comes and goes. So I'm not 100% on the saddle yet. My focus has greatly improved but I find myself still starting at personal and work projects and feeling utterly stupid and unable to make the next chess move.

This morning, I took care of some mildly over due work for my local OTO body. We're starting on a new project that I've been given the lead on. I haven't had the time to focus energies towards it and am happy to have finally gotten that ball rolling. I wish I could comment more on it... But if I did, I'd have to kill you all (and then worse)

At noon, I plan to repeat the magical rituals I have returned to practicing. Until my throat feels stronger, I will probably continue them in silence. I will probably also do the chakra meditation again. And of course... More medication. I may be an occultist... But, I'm not a moron :)

This evening, I have my first rehearsal with a Priestess who is coming out of retirement. We are doing a Gnostic Mass at the end of the month in North Hollywood and I am greatly looking forward to the experience.

All in all, I feel very refreshed today. Which is interesting because today's Horrorscope gave me much to contemplate:
Today some new events could give you some doubts about certain aspects of your life, Andrei. But don't expect any answers just yet. In fact, you may need to be patient for a few days. This period could be crucial for you, because you are finally getting to make the changes in direction in your life that you have been thinking about for quite some time now. Pay attention to everything today.

For now... that's all :)

93, 93/93
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