February 10th, 2003

Andrei in the office

Good... Bad... I'm the one with the Will

So, I had another run in at Gelson’s market with the “Got Satan” t-shirt yesterday. What occurred and other events thru the day made me decide to actually come to terms with some of the things I believe in.

This time it was Saturday. I was in a weird mood and didn’t event think about the fact that I was wearing the famed shirt again. As I entered there was a man with bright gold cruxifixes embridered on his shirt on the outside of his shoulders/upper arms. He had a large tin and was collecting for the homeless. I went in thinking about how much I wasn’t in the mood to be accosted over my shirt.

On the way out he took a look at me and laughed. And this was a good belly laugh. He smiled at me under his handlebar moustache and said, “I’ve seen lots of clever t-shirts. But that one takes it.” He laughed again and said, “Very clever” I smiled and said, “Thanks. I like it. It makes people think.”

He smiled again and I dropped money in his tin. He wished me blessings. He actually said, “Blessings to you.” and I said, “And the same to you”

So this got me thinking of good and evil. And really what “satan” is supposed to be.

Now, in the Jews eyes if I understand this right. Got made the the powers of evil to balance the scales so that man had the Free Will to choose. The christians believe that Lucifer actually rebelled against gods plan and all of Satan’s minions are there to suffer and use their powers to tempt man.

I think these are the major view; but I’m sure someone will correct me if my understanding is wrong.

So, here is where I become a centre of pestilence. The following views are _mine_

I kind of view the whole universal uber-plan as the total of everyone doing their True Will. Which in my mind is everyone being the best being that they can be. Now this is a dynamic state and until everyone gets with the program, this may change from moment to moment. Eventually, we will all get on the big bus. Every manufacturer will have a consumer, every dom will have a sub, and every triad member will have 2 other people.

Now, there is the potential to miss this whole progress. To get oneself completely off their own path. Even while the little voice is screaming, “Yutz, you know better than that.” Which unto itself is a feat when the other voices are yelling, “You’re fat, you’re too hairy, there’s someone around the corner she’ll like better.” One good voice among many.

And what do we call the wrong voices.... Yup. The inner demons. See for every person with an HGA, that person has to have a matching UID (Unholy Infernal Demon) (So... which of you Qabbballlists wanna look up Vav-Yod-Daleth :?)

Now many people get stuck on that “Not my will by thy will thing” Which always trips me up. Wouldn’t it just be easier for God to disperse Hir will into individual True Wills. I mean, otherwise God is micromanaging; and despite the crap that life hands us; it’s still better managed than most corporations.

So... We have the true will which is acting in the direction of the divine which is to be what we are as best as we can. We have the Devil which is something trying to pull us off the track. To me that gives us ‘evil’

So what does this do to our definitions? If in your soul you are a drummer. You need to live off the land and play rhythms. That’s it. Be there, do that. And anyone who tries to convince you that 9-5 is better for you...doesn’t know you.

If you are a corporate wage slave, trying to run up the ladder from Engineering to management. Then have at it.

But what if you are someone who thinks that sexual contact is not only fun, but something you can make money at. Charging per service. Who are we to stop you in this path; unless you are trying to use said talent to pull someone else off their path.

Oddly then to regulate prostitution is in fact a violation of someone’s will. If you don’t want to play... don’t join in...But if someone else does.... Who are we to stop it?

I am at my most strong and confident when I am into my own thing and not really paying attention to people around me. I feel my best and at the same time... I feel like I’m missing something. Good/Evil? Now what.

I don’t think I’m evil....
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