August 22nd, 2002

Andrei in the office

And once again....

For starters, the class went very very well. I had 11 students and everyone enjoyed the cass immensely.

I needed the class. Just before I left for class I came very close to a breakdown. I had one last conversation after making the last post online. I was on the phone with the hospital while the IM conversation was going on.

It has been established that the hospital has told me there is 'no one' matching the description. They won't even give me the impression one way or the other if I'm close or not. The conversation below shows exaclty how far my mother has taken things. By the time I'd finished being on the phone with St. Margret's and dealing on line. I basically couldn't take any more. I'd reached the limit.

I don't know what's going on anymore. Nothing makes sense. I can't put anything together and no one will help me. I feel like I'm going to lose it and be a person who they'll talk abput trying to reason why he wound up on a clock tower with a rifle. I just can't handle much more of this. It's just getting to me.

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Andrei in the office

I guess this is good news...

On everyone's advice I called the Pittsburgh area police. I apprised them of the situation. They were able to extract an address for my sister in Ross Twp.

At this point they will send a police officer to my sister's residence to try to locate her. They are going to assess her situation, well being and if there is a threat to her well being. With any luck, assuming everything I've been told is true (still a nagging fear) my sister will comment to the officer's what is going on and I will be notified with more information.

It's about the only chink in my tension level I've had since Sunday.
  • Current Music
    Otherside, RHCP
Andrei in the office

It's gotta end! It's gotta stop right here!

(Quote from Little Shop of Horrors)

Today, there has been no call. The police have told me that there is nothing they can do. They have no reason to believe she's being held against her will and have no identifying information as to what the situation is. I was told point blank, "I am powerless"

This will be done by midnight. EIther I will have information or I won't .

I have sent a letter to "SysAIM" it was neither easy to write or have sent. It talks about all the holes in all the information I have. All the misgivings, and all the things not being done to change a purportedly bad situation. I do this under the considered advice of about 5 trusted friends. For better or worse, if I've heard nothing by midnight. I will go to bed. When I wake up, I wil no longer have any blood relatives left.

It hurts, it burns, but the situation is out of control, and I'm merely helping my mother destroy me by playing along with this game of hers. She may even tell my sister that I abandoned her. I'm pleased that at least i'll have a public record that said i tried. And if what I've gone thru isn't good enough, then maybe I deserve to be without blood relations.

I can't keep doing this. I'm getting to be in a bad state. And it's only going to ruin me at this rate.

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    exhausted exhausted
Andrei in the office

Shows over. Go home :-(

This will be the last post I make concerning my blood relatives. today I received a response in the mail to the letter I sent.

The short form: I received a letter purportedly from my sister. The letter goes on to tell me how the idea was hers and that she merely wishes to be with my departed relatives because no one cares.

If this letter was written by my mother or anyone asides from my sister. I don't even consider the author of the letter and this entire ride that I have embarrassed myself in front of co-workers, friends, hospitals, police, and colleagues...I don't even consider the author remotely human.

If this letter was written by my sister then she truly can't recognize when people care about her and there is nothing further I can do.

I take this space to apologize with all my honest heart to everyone who has been dragged into this disgusting perversion of family. Your kind words, emails, phone calls, messages, and everything else have kept me sane. And with this, I really don't feel deserving. I feel like I should have recognized something like this sooner.

The letter is posted in its entirety below the cut line. Judge for yourself. I no longer care about what I edit and what I don't.

I will now be spending more money to file restraining orders against anyone purporting to be my immediate blood family. I gave my life's blood to them and they stepped on it and belittled it for 34 years. I came when called like a battered animal.

The bottom line: I have no blood relatives left from my immediate family. They have all died. If anyone asks, I will tell them, "My family is dead. I have no siblings, I never knew my mother." If anyone asks details they will be told that I do not wish to discuss it.

If anything has come of this...I know I have family. People who care about me for me. And in all things... that's all that matters.

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    cold cold