April 6th, 2002

Andrei in the office

I get mean

I couldn't get to sleep early last night like I wanted to. My tea was also not tasting that great. I think I need to find a new herb/tea vendonr in L.A. finally.Part of me wanted to go out to some dark punk/industrial club and just lose myself.

Now for those that know me, I'm about as exteriorly removed from punk as you can get. I mean, I have a part in my hair. I wear button down shirts and birkenstocks. This is not the kind of person you see at industrial/goth clubs.

But this falls into one of my Aries tendancies. If I don't know how to do it, I'm incompetant. If someone holds my hand and shows me how to do it, I have a viciously sharp learning curve. Now granted, I don't think there are many "Goth Fashion Consultants." Also, I don't think any would take me seriously, as I guess I only want to be 'part-time' goth, when the mood takes me as such.

I think this goes back to "Fight Club" which has really had a lasting and permanent effect on me. There's an 'Inner Tyler' screaming inside me to be set free. I'm just trying ot figure out what his agenda is before I have myself tied to the chair waiting for the downfall of modern finance :)

Well, such a fun ramble for a Satyrday morning. Fortunately, the bile I brought up last night in a temporary foul mood was minimal.
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Andrei in the office

Well, no...maybe not

In my last post I said, "Well, such a fun ramble for a Satyrday morning. Fortunately, the bile I brought up last night in a temporary foul mood was minimal."

This was not correct. I need to make a public apology. Last night I got a bit mean online with a long-time, dear friend and ex-lover. She has put up with a grand row of s*** for me over the years and I inappropriately crossed the line last night.

My friend was having a bit of a rough night. She's having some very personal issues that i can understand deeply. She's a bit on the frightened and lonley side. She needed an ear to listen to her. I was angry and confrontational. But I was also torn. I can't walk away from someone I care about when the are in pain. Last night, I wasn't in any shape to be a friend and should have been open and told her about this from the word go.

I said some incredibly rude things that are typically inappropriate, are more inappropriate due to the nature of our friendship, and were horrendously inappropriate due to her situation and mindset. There is no way for me to take them back. Only acknowledge how much of an ass I was to someone I've loved for close to 8 years and hope to keep as a treasured friend.

In this universe I've learned there is no joy without this friend. And I hope she can understand that I do understand how out of line I was.
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