So, the weekend started with me doing a presentation on programming in a new language to my team. My first presentation and about 80% of my team is in there. Lots of people. No pressure ;)

Afterwards we had a Friday celebration for a really cool guy on the team that has now been in our group for 10 years. I spent the bulk of that period discussing Doctor Who and Highlander and explained that Highlander IV was actually a really amazingly good movie.

I get to the car. There is reggae music playing. jnanacandra really doesn't like Reggae... so... weird.

I get in the car and she looks at me and says, "Sorry I don't have room to get down on one knee... but, would you like your ex-girlfriend's ring." Which she then placed on my finger.

This unto itself requires explanation.... A really cool person I was involved with about 1 year and a half back and I exchanged rings. After we broke up she asked me to keep the ring she gave me. And I wear it daily. I took it in last week for a cleaning to a jeweler we use.

H picked it up today while I was at work. But, in our family sense of humour.. she couldn't merely hand it over. So, she came up with the contrived sentence above. Which between the reggae, the class, the discussion on Highlander, and everything else... my brain went FWEEEEEEE!

Guess it's time for a new Doctor Who... At least that'll make sense. It's not like unexpected relatives are gonna pop up out of nowhere for the Doctor.

Tags: family, life, surreal, weekend, weird
Current Location: Car ride home. NE 70th St @ 120th Ave NE
Current Mood: giggly

Yesterday was a long day. Tuesdays for me often are.

I have many people in my life that make me very happy.

Highlights:

• Completing some complicated code fixes
• Wonderful online conversation with a wonderful faerievixen2
• Being able to leave the office early to be with family.
• Wonderfalls and coolwhip covered srawberries with elocinnuala and jnanacandra
• Putting aiden_freeman to bed... by himself... by myself!!!
• An amazing lunch with bentnails
• IM Messages with queenofhalves which always give smiles.
• jnanacandra, just... because.

Tags: life, report
Current Mood: pleased

So, if it's not obvious... my relationship with LJ has been (in a word) neglectful.

This isn't really anything new... it's been at least 4 years in the making. No really, I did the research. (Cool link)

Which is strange. I like having and giving an opinion. I just haven't.

Posting has become difficult. Work keeps me very busy. So reading and posting at work is unlikely. This of course is coupled with the fact that there isn't a whole lot I'm doing right now at work that I can really give details about. The major facts are out there (yes, Microsoft is shipping an all new version of Microsoft Office for Mac in the second half of 2007)

The smaller details? That's either NDA intellectual property or sufficiently geekish-mac-msft-tech than no one would really appreciate it.

Geeky on the side, I'm playing with Wikis and I really love it.

So.. what about non-work life?

Well, as everyone warned me... I don't have much of a non-work life.

I have life with a nigh-toddler.

Don't get me wrong. Boy fills me with love, happiness, yadda*3.

But he does so at what often-times feels like a cost of everything else.

So... why aren't I Posting more?

Well, the Happy takes up a lot of time and I really don't want to cut into the Happy to post about it. I don't even get to post about the Happy when relaxing over Chai. (Yes, that was an inside joke. You can ask me al about it some other time)

And then there's the non-happy. I don't post about that either. LJ is a wonderful tool. I still to this day adore it, but it's gained such a horrible reputation for being the dumping ground of teen-young adult angst and drama.

So, posting only the annoyances doesn't seem right either.

Side note: I often consider how individual people interact with me. I basically contemplate what I say to specific people to make sure, I'm not always behaving one specific way for one person.

So, yes... There's been happy. There's been not-so-happy. There's been life as a new parent. There's been the pursuit of feeling like me and feeling that me is supposed to be around. There's been feelings of complete disconnect.

There's been me.

I keep IM open as much as I can. It's pretty much my cell phone. (The latter of which I can now report is once again working) But I don't have time to engage people socially. I can interact... but I just don't have the time (and on some level the motivation) to try to create a conversation online. I'm more than willing to participate in them... but sadly, I am primarily messaged by spammers.

Happily, the people close to me in my life have kept me far saner over the last few weeks than they know. And I am thrilled for each of them. I am pretty sure they each know who they are. They have also IM'ed me from time to time.

I'd like to post more. I'd like to make some grand statement that I'm going to start posting more. But this is also part of what is in my life at the moment. Great intention and absolutely horrific follow-thru. Right now, don't let Andrei agree to anything. I suppose it's just safer that way.

Here's hoping July improves a notch.

Written last evening about 4:30 pm.

Tags: life, lj, meta
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Where Have All The Flowers Gone?

Dearest diary.. 13th of September, in the year of their lord 2006. Day 10 of my captivity.

The drums.. the drums!

My dearest schnookiemuffin asked me yesterday how things were having a child.

To answer this I need to roll back to about 2 years ago. A co-worker asked, "How are you enjoying being married?" I considered it and realized... I've lived with her for over a year and always enjoy her company... it really doesn't feel any different. I just get to spend lots of time with one of my favourite people in the world.

So... how are things with the baby?

It's a little surreal. Yes... I admit... watching the henson-eque visual effect of my son emerging out of the body of my love was one of the most emotional experiences of my life. After a few days of the amusement... I got over the feeling of, "So... they're not going to take this away."

Now... this wasn't a feeling that I really wanted them to take him away. More along the lines of for the first few days he felt like 'a loaner.' Yeah, Andrei... we know you're gonna have a kid so... here's one to play with for a while... Try to actually get used to it so you're ready.

Only thing is... this was the real thing and he's not a loaner.

But it's no less surreal. See... we're in the reallllllly early stages. We have 'baby'. Like the ones you NEVER see on TV or in the movies. There's very little acknowledgment of the universe around him at this point. I have flashes of Dr. Keller wondering if he's blind and deaf the way his head and eyes tend to lol (sic) around. (I've always wanted to use 'lol' as a verb, mind you. Even if I've spelled it wrong.) jnanacandra assures me that he's neither blind nor deaf and it's just a lack of muscular control. I am the dad... so this means, "Okay... un-huh... you sure?"

So now we are into day 10. Yes... tomorrow he will be unable to count the days of his life on his hands. Unlike the past 10 days where he's been unable to control them much at all. (No, sea_gaagii. No boxing gloves)

His regimen is pretty much what you'd expect. Sleep, Breast, Soil... lather, rinse, repeat. occasionally there is fidgeting and crying when we can't quite figure out which of the above he wants or is transitioning between.

I'm trying to keep busy while being attentive. It's amazing how I've transitioned from active to passive in this thing. I really can't feed him (without help) and H spends a lot of time co-sleeping with him.

Amusingly, every-time I look at him. That internal neuron in my brain fires off and he's the cutest thing in the world that I must protect with my life. Which of course has added some severely bizarre and sometimes annoyingly bothersome dreams.

I think we spent so much time anthropomorphizing him in the womb, that I expected a slightly higher level of sentience. But none the less, I can pick up an arm while he sleeps and it falls like a rag doll. A breathing, quivering rag doll. (Oh.. I'm going to give myself another nightmare at this rate)

I want to do more with him. Unfortunately, at this point.. the biggest game we have is, okay..let's not look like drunk baby. Time to play strengthen that neck muscle.

It's not bad. Really it isn't. I'm crazy about him. Even when he makes a grimace that looks exactly like my dad having gas.

It's just weird... and different... and glorious... and I look forward to when I can share this all with him on a level he'll get. (and this thought is making me all misty eyed and sh&#)

I'm a dad. Who'd have thunk.

( Final reaction... )

Tags: aiden, babyhaving, contemplation, life
Current Mood: perplexed

Wednesday evening. (06.03.22) I did something for the first time in nearly 10 years.

I auditioned for a theatrical show.

I haven't talked about Theatre much on this journal. Which is something I'm now noticing as Ironic. I think part of the reason I discovered I was poly was a realization early on.

One of my first major Girlfriends asked me, "Do you love me more than anything in the whole world?" and I answered, "No."

The GF was obviously taken aback.

I looked at her and said, "My first love is Theatre. I am sorry. You'll have to understand that about me now. I can't explain it or understand it any more than I can explain why I'm drawn to you. But if it came down to a wrestling match where you'd make me choose... I don't think you'd win."

I'd dated a woman in college who I'd met through the SCA. She sat me down at one point and laid down the law for me. She said there were 3 things that I'd need to fix to make me the perfect boyfriend.
1) I needed to stop cheating on her.
Interestingly, it would be 5 years from then before I'd ever 'cheated' She was jealous that I had a female friend who was important to me.

2) I needed to dump that SCA crap and get away from all those freaks.

3) I needed to forget about all this silly theatre stuff and get a real job.

So obviously we broke up.

Sadly overtime her curse/wishes came true. All three. And I regret every one of them... In the case of 2... It wasn't the SCA.. It was letting someone tell me which friends and companions were right or wrong for me.

In the case of 3... I let theatre get away from me.

I remember when it came back to me. I remember when the ghost of what I was looked me in the idea and said, "You remember who you are?" I went to see the film Chicago. I wasn't really familiar with the show.. but the film looked good.

Stunning film. Loved it. Was depressed for 4 days, sobbed to myself that night.

The SCA satiated it a bit. Well, as long as I stuck to Shakespeare, nothing else was really taken to seriously. The OTO satiated it a bit. As long as I stuck to liturgical texts and seeeeeecrit rituals.

All the while... thinking... "You know, some day, I'm going to direct Noises Off."

Then came Rent. When I first got introduced to the soundtrack... it didn't move me. I didn't know the story of La Boehem. It just didn't click. Then I listened to it more. Then I figured out what it was about. And then I remembered my own time as the young film maker living on my own in squalor, walking away from my family, detaching from the world, looking for my voice.

I remember sneaking to my home town after failing out of college and spending the weekend with friends who were pretty much on the same social level of low money and establishment resistance. Right down to taking a close friend, an unwed pregnant mother to the local hospital after we'd all been up all night long and an argument with an ex had given her a fear and symptoms of a premature labour.

I saw Rent. And good or bad.. it's a part of who I am. But it didn't pop the bubble.

I'd been doing rituals in L.A. OTO but... the flash of the city just didn't connect me to theatre. I don't want to say they were bad... many rocked mightily. I moved up here and took part in a rite. Probably the most lines I've had in a long time in a script. The process was long and arduous. At times I doubted my own process...but stayed at it. The Show must Go on (An interesting story or two from my past)

This was interesting because months earlier we'd had a karaoke night. If anything would have driven me back in theatrical process that night did. But this was different. There was an audience. A big audience. There was an incompetent theatre critic there. The performance was fulfilling. But in a way that opened flood gates.

Wednesday I auditioned for a potentially professional workshop show. I read script, I sang a few things. (Yes, I willingly sang). I did puppetry. I made the folks at the table laugh. The director looked at me at one point and said, "You're really good." (Note to directors... Never do this during an audition ;) I walked out feeling like I'd nailed the audition.

Now, granted.. in the past 12 months, I've walked out of about 10 on site interviews and phone screens thinking I'd nailed them... And I didn't. And it got under my skin... a lot.

It honestly doesn't matter if I got this or not. I went back to something that makes me feel like absolute me... 100%. And it felt good... and it felt right.

The show? I think it may actually interfere with every plan I have in June. It's really not likely that I'd be able to accept the role because it actually rehearses during potential work hours. Which kinda bums me.... but at the same time... It's not the only show holding auditions in the Seattle Metropolitan area...

It's just the first one that I've gone to... And it's not the last... And this too is why I am loving life.

Tags: auditions, experience, life, theatre
Current Mood: pleased

I love my life..

I have not worked in a year. And this sucks. I work towards getting work every day and I remain optimistic that my employability is not completely over.

That being said.

I am very much in love with a woman who's agreed to be a part of my life for as long as there is Will to love. A woman who I am not afraid to raise a child with which she will bring forth from both of us in 5 months. I am in love with someone else who loves me back for who I am even though the timing in my life leaves me at times stressed.

I am doing work on a volunteer level that I love. It is one part clerical, one part theatrical, and one part personally spiritual. I don't always agree with everyone in the group... but that's okay. It's the nature of the work we are doing. Over time I have become a real and recognized Ordained Priest. I feel still compatible with the beliefs I was raised with and believe my religion and faith to be strong. I perform religious ceremony, pastoral work, and organizational support work. And even when it frustrates me... I am still happy to be able to do the work.

I have people entering into my life on a social level. Some I'm dating, some I'm developing deeper friendships with. I have activities I participate in. I have projects I do. I am developing a business.

Oh... I have a cat. She's a freak. Her mass increases by 25 times in the middle of the night when she climbs into bed and hogs the covers.

And one more thing that will be posted in a moment. Yes, as for now.

I love my life.

Tags: general, life, mood, universe, world
Current Mood: happy

The good,

The Girlfriend is in town visiting. More details on that will be in my S&F filter. If you're not on the filter... see the top post on my journal page.

The bad,

A ritual I've been planning and orchestrating for the past month and a half has just gotten axed because the kindly old man who leases us space decided to plan furnace repair on the day we'd scheduled and notified us the day before. More on that will be posted in my OTO filter.

The ugly,

I've had a stomach thing for about 8 days now. It's not fun. The nasty part is that it is now aggravating my "Guess-it-isn't-diverticulitis" and I'm having severe pain in my colon area again. It's getting inflamed and I'm having difficulty moving, standing, etc. It might be best that the 'bad' occurred for me. Assuming it doesn't continue to get worse (it's been getting steadily worse since it manifested Wednesday night) I have another CT scan on Monday.

My next week is FAR too busy to be sick on this level now. :(

I will make these other posts... but right now, I'm just trying to stay out of the bathroom for more than an hour at a time. groan

Tags: check-in, health, life
Current Mood: sick

Be careful what you wish for...

Translation: Oh, my

More forthcoming.

Tags: change, life, ritual

First off, life has been busy. I try to actually be working on code and projects during the week and not posting or IMing. The weekends? I'm back in the swing of OTO involvement. Last weekend was two masses and my performing Minerval initiations for the Tacoma body, the week before was working with the initiator training program in Portland; this weekend I'm back in Portland for a visit; next weekend is a Biiiig weekend for Seattle OTO as representatives of the Electoral College come to visit.

So, I just posted a critical analysis of the growth of the iTunes music catalogue over the last two years. And let me be honest; the podcasting bug really bit me as I remembered how much minutia I love pulling up over media.

Before that was the vague post about the white paper. Many people asked, "Huh, What's a white paper." Of course my good friend Wikipedia has the answer. I am currently reading a really cool link, "How to write a white paper - A white paper on white papers" I will add that the theory/realization I had also encompasses such topics as passion and magic(k); so... more for people to wonder about.

Ah yes, the Sci-Fi list I am compiling. Yes, I am known for opening really great doors on LJ and then dropping them. This one hasn't been dropped. It just got delayed. After day one I'd compiled the data I had and there were over 400 sci-fi shows. The debate had begun over what is sci-fi, what is fantasy, and what should be included. Hrmn. Ick. Then, that night, Microsoft excel crashed on me. I lost about 80% of the data that I'd spent 2 days on. I've been trying to figure out how better to organize it so that I can develop the next two rounds I have planned. I have discovered how much of a DBA I am not.

And finally the project. We got donations and loans. And this is a wholly good thing. I still need to put together information for the loan provider concerning this. It will be out in the next 3-4 days. I am working on several code concepts and typing up information on that while still putting together an involved SWOT list for use in a business plan. So that also keeps me busy.

On the side to keep my head out of the nearly 20 technical books I'm referencing; I am back to doing cross stitch in my (mostly) spare time. I am working on a piece that is jnanacandra's Fire sea logo. I'll post a pict of the progress as I get the time if anyone is interested.

Okay... now you know where I've been. The best thing I can ask is, "Drop a line." Most of the people I know (Either well or partially) are all out of the area. Email, IMs, and comments are appreciated because I am fairly remote from just about everyone I know. And with 250 journals and far more other content sources... It's hard to keep everything caught up.

Such is life. WereRabbit soon.

Cheers!
Edit: Added Links to posts

Tags: everything, life, universe
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: Vanz Kant Danz - John Fogerty

My office is about 70% set up. Photos of that transformation are forthcoming. Things are beginning to fall back into a state that I understand and can deal with.

Beginning that is. I just got of the phone with the Los Angeles Office of Appeals. The question arose as to whether I voluntarily resigned from Earthlink without good cause. The Unemployment department felt I did. So I appealed. Now it's up to a Los Angeles judge.

It would be helpful to receive the unemployment funds but I had a feeling inside as if a voice said to me that it's going to be alright. It doesn't matter if it is approved or not and it will work out.

So, I've either hit zen, K&Cw/tHGA, or it's time to up my meds.

Tags: changes, life, work
Current Mood: quixotic

Well, this weekend had it's ups and downs. It's one of those rebalance the checkbook months. This means that I'm living on about $15 until the end of the month. 9 days. Yes, in my depression; I once again got a bee in my bonnet to make it _all_ right.

The downs were that my cell phone seems to have vanished. It's not expensive but it's my primary phone. Basically a massive screwup has me owing PacBell about $1200. Until we can come to terms and figure out who made the mistake...I'm using a different phone at home... As soon as I find it.

Well...Friday, to keep from getting to depressed I started the entire Budget and organizational thing. To quote a recently ex-gf, "You know...." When you budget rather than spend money willy nilly, things look much better.If I don't spend very much money over the next 3 years; I can have a nice down payment for a really cool house :)

Well, I couldn't leave it there. So I did Laundry on Saturday. Every imaginable piece of clothing I could find. Sunday was worse. I started ripping into the unopened boxes from the move. More clothes. More cleaning! PITTSBURGH STEELERS WIN...

So at this point, The kitchen and Bathroom look like I've only recently moved in. Completely clean. The living room still has a way to go; but I cleared away about 40% of the boxes.

Last night was the premier of Tracker. An alien tracker is looking for 220 or so aliens running around on earth. It's Time Trax meets Starman meets Highlander/Forever Knight. The last two may seem odd. But it makes sense. The series' exec. Prod. Is Adrian Paul. He's also the star. He spent most of the first episode enacting the first 40 or so minutes of Starman. at the end of the episode..we see Gerrant Wyn-Davies. I think that's the spellling...Who knows. He was the star of Forever Knight. Kudos to Paul for pulling GWD in on the project. The Fantasy fans will love seeing these two actors again. And of course praying for the occasional cameo and the Fan Fic should be quite tasty.

So. My plan was to get to bed early and wake up early. go to the gym and work out. At least at 10:30...that was the plan. By 11 Ares the cat was getting rambunctious. By 11:30 he was into the garbage. By midnight I was chasing him around the flat with KittyCalmer.

So at 1:30 I decided...to hell with this. I couldn't sleep and the cat was ticking me off.

I drove into the office. Finished all the preliminary work for today and went off to the gym at about 6am. I did upper body this morning. Fat Andrei is now hovering around about 200. Well 199 3/4 but who's counting...Me I guess.

I did all kinds of upper arm stuff today: Abdominal crunches, Tricep extensions, Bicep curls, Incline presses, 10%,, Chest curl and Lat Pull downs. Strained but not too badly. Enough to burn a little, not enough to over extend myself. (Oh, are my arms going to hurt tomorrow.

Well, at this point I'm up to about 52 oz of water downed.

I guess I should note about the Programming thing from Friday. It got put off pending further research ;) I got to do some cool stuff that I wanted to.

In general. Life is good this morning. I feel jazzed for the week and the Future that I'm planning out :)

Tags: cleaning, exercise, life, order, sci-fi
Current Location: Office - Symanted
Current Mood: energetic