So, a few nights back I had the opportunity to do some work with some friends. A couple of us in the group really like Port so that was the drink of choice. Personally, I love Port.

Another friend brought over Havarti cheese.


Now, I am violently lactose intolerant. I used to term it lactose incompetent. The former meaning you couldn't stand something; the latter meaning you couldn't do something basic like other people, like in my case... process it.

However, over the last few years I've transitioned from incompetent into full on intolerance. Now the strong smell of cheese will make me queasy.

But back to the Havarti. See, some cheeses are made from goat's milk. One example of this is Feta. Actually, most Greek and Mediteranian cheeses are this way. Goat's milk based cheeses don't have the lactose sugar in it. My body doesn't have the enzymes to break down the lactose sugars. Effectively, I get a milk product and it spoils in my stomach. Goat milk based product? No problem.

Once again to the Havarti. Well, I'd had one more glass of port that I typically would in an evening and was feeling...well, happy. I noticed the cheese was Havarti and I was very... VERY happy. I used to love, strike that... ADORE cheese. Not anymore. So I sliced off a wedge. Heavenly. Okay..maybe too heavenly. The Port helped it taste that much better. I had about 3 healthy slices.

Did I mention my spiderman-like cheese sense. See if a cheese has lactose, the smell is repugnant. Well, most of the times. Sometimes I build up a small stock of enzymes. They aren't really enough to do much but they make the suffering a little less annoying. When the enzymes build up, lactose cheese isn't quite so horrifying. Lots of Havarti. Yum.

So... later, we go do some temple work. This usually involves sitting in a nice, quiet temple like room while people recite poetry or some such. Towards the end my body got...weird. REALLY weird.
There are two types of nausea in the world, the fake kind that everyone gets from time to time, and the real kind that is nothing like fake-nausea and is instantly recognizable. The first kind is that horrible, hollow feeling in the stomach that something is massively wrong. It's that kind of feeling where you whimper about not feeling well until your wife gets annoyed and tells you to go take some pepto-abysmal.

The latter is when the only thought that goes through your mind is, "This is bad." you get warm and chills all at the same time. Something is about to happen and it's going to get really ugly really fast. This is your 1 minute warning to find a bathroom.

This was about halfway between and no where near either...er both.

I went up to the bathroom convinced I was about to destroy decor. Interestingly, i didn't. Every muscle in my body on the other hand collapsed. I just fell to the floor like I'd passed out. Problem was... I was lucid and completely sober. I lay there for a minute or three thinking, "Hmmn. this is not good." Granted, I was also thinking, "Hey, here I am with my head 2 feet from the cat box and boy do they keep it clean. It really doesn't smell like there's a cat box in here. Even with my head 2 ft from it on the floor."

After about 3-4 minutes I got up. I wandered quietly back into the temple. Cold, heat, incense... Glurk. I quickly left again. Feeling some faith that I wasn't going to... well in less than dainty words, "hurl" I went to the guest room. Again he muscles collapsed. I lay there, shivering. After about 5-10 minutes that began to fade. After about 20 minutes I could eat. within an hour I was almost back to normal.

Not fun


So, the odd thing is... The effects of the Wine and Cheese never hit me the way they should. So... Monday, I should probably contact a doctor. :-/

And by the way... Havarti? Not goat cheese.

Food allergies? Hmmmmn.

Tags: health
Current Mood: embarrassed